If I want stimulation, I’ll watch a box set

VeuVe Clicquot, the champagne brand that’s a great champion of British businesswomen, gave its rising star award this year to sextoy entrepreneur Stephanie Alys.

She is co-founder and self- styled chief pleasure officer of something called the MysteryVibe. It is a ‘smart’ vibrator that can be controlled with a smartphone, bringing a whole new meaning to the term ‘hands-free’.

Apparently, if your partner travels a lot, it can bring you closer in the bedroom.

Most wives I know adore it when their husbands are away for a few nights. The peace, the quiet, the watching of Netflix, the reading in bed alone for as long as you wish? What bliss.

Who wants a sex-pest ringing up from his Premier Inn for a bit of kink just when you’ve downloaded the new series of The Bridge? Gah.

What is wrong with everyone today? This need to be constantly stimulated and satiated is exhausting, with no respect granted to the concept of deferred or anticipated pleasure.

It’s now or never. Wham, bam, oh I’m losing the signal, ma’am.

Stephanie Alys has been praised by Veuve Clicquot for bringing sextech to the masses, but is this really what women want?