Barbara looks at her wedding ring and says: Are we married?
Husband’s anguish at Alzheimer’s toll on star
DAME Barbara Windsor’s husband has revealed the heartbreaking toll on the star as she battles Alzheimer’s disease.
Scott Mitchell, 55, told how his wife of 18 years is gradually being robbed of the precious memories they share.
After a 25-year relationship, Dame Barbara, 80, now often asks him how long he has lived in their home.
‘Although Barbara knows me, she suddenly has no recollection of our history,’ he said. ‘She asks, “how long have you lived here?” She’ll suddenly look at her wedding ring and say, “Are we married?”
‘And when I tell her we’ve been together 25 years and married for 18, she looks at me disbelievingly and says, “But I have no recollection of it”.’
The former actor said he now writes key facts about their lives on a whiteboard to help prevent her from getting confused.
he told The Sun: ‘She always asks me what day it is, so I write the day and date, as a well as key points such as, “Scott has lived with you in this house for 25 years. Scott and Barbara have been married for 18 years”. I show her a photo of our first date in 1993, sitting at a table at the houses of Parliament with Shirley Bassey, and our wedding photos too, and then she’ll say, “Yes, but how long have you lived here?”’
he added: ‘The other night, she said to me, “It’s only the little things I can’t remember,” and I said, “Yes like 25 years of our relationship,” and we both started to laugh hysterically. That moment was lovely because there hasn’t been much laughter of late.’
Dame Barbara first noticed something was wrong when she started forgetting her lines as Peggy Mitchell in eastenders in 2009. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014 but decided to share the news with only close friends and family.
however, earlier this week, her husband decided to speak out as he feared she would do or say something in public that would reveal she was unwell.
‘She’s not frightened of me, so I’m thankful for that,’ he said. ‘Over the last couple of days, the conversation has turned to, “I just think it’s wonderful that you come here to look after me” – and she keeps thanking me. I say, “Barbara I’m not here to look after you, I’m here because I love you”.’ The actress, who rose to fame in the Carry On films in the Sixties, will often ask whether they are at home, Mr Mitchell said. She might say, ‘Oh thank goodness we’re back’ when they haven’t left the house. She remembers who she is but is confused about which family members are still alive.
Mr Mitchell, whose mother is also 80, continued: ‘She said to me the other day, “It’s not fair, because you’re a young man and you shouldn’t have to look after me. You should have a girlfriend and enjoy your life.”
‘It was such a generous but heartbreaking thing to hear, and I just said, “That’s not how it works, Bar”.’ Discussing her own awareness of the degenerative brain condition, he said: ‘her constant fear is, “Who knows about this?” In the past two weeks, it’s almost as if Barbara has finally become aware that she has a memory problem and that it’s quite serious.’
Mr Mitchell said they had to cut a holiday to Barbados short last March. ‘her anxiety levels just shot up,’ he said.
‘She was sitting under an umbrella and saying to me, “I’m frightened”. She started crying, which Barbara never does in public, and I could see under her sunglasses that tears were streaming down her face.
‘She was very distressed and I realised then that things had taken more of a turn as far as the illness was concerned.’
he added: ‘Sometimes, if we’re getting ready for a dinner out, she can suddenly become very panicky and distressed, so over the last year we have had to cancel a lot more things. But then she was becoming isolated, which isn’t healthy. So I make plans for us, and if I can get her out with people, she comes alive and you see signs of the old Barbara. You hear that famous laugh bellowing out – wonderful.’
Mr Mitchell said he can no longer leave Dame Barbara in the house on her own as she becomes confused. ‘She was always reluctant for someone to help out because she’s so fiercely independent. But I say, “You might wander out in to the street and get confused and I have to protect you from that”.’
Now the news has been made public, he said: ‘It brightens her day when people say hello to her, and neither of us want that to stop. I just feel relieved that, now, if she doesn’t seem like the old Barbara, they’ll know why.’ As for the future, he said: ‘I love her unconditionally. So for as long as is humanly possible, I want Barbara to be cared for by me in our home. That’s my wish.’
‘Tears were streaming down her face’
There was, quite rightly, an outpouring of support when it was revealed the remarkable, largerthanlife Barbara Windsor had Alzheimer’s.
The 80-year- old star’s condition had deteriorated so rapidly that her husband Scott Mitchell felt it was time to tell her millions of fans. Your instinct when someone you love develops dementia is to keep their secret hidden, to protect them from the world. But, as Scott has found, you can only do that for so long.
My dear mother was diagnosed more than a decade ago. For a while you can pass it off as the scattiness of old age. But then comes bewilderment, a lost look in the eyes, conversations which make no sense. These are symptoms you can’t hide.
Barbara’s on- screen son in eastenders, ross Kemp, says he hopes the news ‘will make it easier for others to talk about this dreadful disease’. And it is true, Alzheimer’s is a dreadful disease. Yet it is not the end of the world. I regard the ten years Mum has suffered as a delayed departure — sad, certainly, but also full of moments of joy. In contrast, my brother Michael died at just 41 from cancer. he was ripped from our lives so quickly that, decades on, we still haven’t got over it.
Yes, the past ten years hasn’t been easy but there have been times when I’ve shared an intimacy with her that I never thought possible.
She collapsed in giggles recently when — while feeding her — I accidentally tipped food all over her. She gave me that wonderful big smile and said: ‘Oh Mandy, you’re a terrible daughter.’
This from a woman whom I thought no longer knew who I was. It was lucidity amid the fog, and her words meant the world to me.
We’ve got used to her repeating herself endlessly. Nowadays we play along even when she says her longdead parents are coming to dinner .
It’s lovely, too, to see Dad’s devotion to her in the care home they share. There’s no scientific evidence, but I’m convinced his patient coaxing has helped her to talk again, just a little.
To those, like Barbara’s husband Scott, now losing someone they love to dementia, I’d like to offer the reassurance that it is not all despair.
There is still love and hope. As well as the embers of shared memories that occasionally flicker into flame.