MY ADVICE TO MEGHAN — BY DIANA’S RIGHT-HAND MAN
A (rather spiky) guide to royal survival by Princess Diana’s private secretary
There’s no getting away from it: a marriage that takes Meghan Markle into the heart of the house of Windsor is going to present her with a very steep learning curve.
And the royal Family, in its turn, may have to do some adapting to the newcomer, even though change isn’t something that comes easily to them.
It’s more than 80 years since the last American attached herself to its exclusive family tree — and that ended badly.
Memories of Wallis simpson, the last American divorcee to marry into their ranks, are long, unhappy — and regularly resurface.
For the Windsors, therefore, the royal wedding represents a momentous gamble. What, then, must Meghan learn? For the hard reality is that survival as a royal newcomer in a 1,000- year- old family business takes much more than a winning smile and a stylish curtsey.
Meghan will be judged by standards that have never been entirely defined and cannot be found in any reference book or on any website.
But after eight years as Princess Diana’s equerry and then private secretary, I can offer her the following pointers . . .
NEVER ROCK THE ROYAL BOAT
ContrAry to what some may think, the essential qualification of a new princess is not an encyclopaedic knowledge of obscure palace protocol, nor the ability to maintain a diplomatically acceptable level of small talk with a halitosis-stricken visiting head of state. nor, even, is it a talent for getting out of a low-slung limousine in a low- cut evening gown while maintaining the highest standards of modesty.
Least of all is it a gift for attracting huge crowds of adoring new fans (or acres of drooling newsprint).
Instead, the one key skill Meghan absolutely must perfect is how to avoid being seen as any kind of a destabilising force.
In the whispering labyrinth of the court, unexpected surprises, even nice ones, can be misinterpreted as threats. Anything new or unknown, until it is proven to be harmless, will therefore be treated with suspicion — even hostility. When you’re in the dynasty business, everything is subjected to the ultimate test: will this person/ thing/ idea/ development help or hinder the survival of the current royal line?
It’s a useful guideline when weighing the pros and cons of any intended course of action, from saving a local playgroup, to saving an endangered species, to saving the planet. What always comes first is saving the monarchy.
Why? Because the Windsors know that all the grand trappings of royalty are held in trust for the British people and that the monarchy depends for its survival on a very volatile commodity: the benign approval — or, at the very least, tolerance — of its subjects.
they also know that everything they hold dear could be lost through miscalculation. After all, in recent family history, their european counterparts have lost their thrones despite reigning for generations with every appearance of indestructibility.
the guillotine may never be erected in trafalgar square, but a fickle public mood multiplied by merciless digital media has the capacity to decapitate an unpopular royal family — or family member — as surely as any blade.
Postponing that day is the unwritten first duty of those in the British royal dynasty business.
so, Meghan’s prime function will be to support the Crown, avoid bringing it into disrepute and act as a non-political focus of national unity. everything else — even developing a globally acclaimed portfolio of irreproachably good causes — is superfluous. the bottom line is that, as a princess, she has no remit to save the world or anything in it. or preach at us, admonish us or signal any fashionable virtue.
her job is to exist, preferably without rocking the constitutional boat. And if, in the process, by the way she conducts her own life, she gently inspires us to do more and better with our own, then she’ll probably be treated with respect and remembered with affection far into the future.
DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE CHAPS
noBoDy could doubt Meghan’s sincerity when she said: ‘right now, with so many campaigns like #Metoo and #timesUp, there’s no better time to continue to shine a light on women feeling empowered and people supporting them.’
however, the perspective that draws such warm applause at Californian awards ceremonies may need adjusting in a nation with a female prime minister and female head of state.
Indeed, Meghan’s advisers may also feel uneasy about an attitude that so readily excludes half the population. she might also like to bear in mind that quite a few members of the royal Family are men and that not all of them have always managed to achieve #Metoo-approved standards of what is considered to be correct male behaviour.
BEWARE THE REST OF THE FAMILY
It’s been several centuries since any of harry’s forebears cut off the head of a wife who displeased him. But Meghan should be in no doubt about the house of Windsor’s ability and willingness to exercise some very modern tortures on errant newcomers.
Among these must be counted the clumsy efforts of some misguided Charles loyalists to smear Diana not just as sad and mad, but bad as well. As the Diana tragedy confirmed, when dealing with perceived threats, Windsors can be quite uncompromising.
If you acquire for yourself a profile, a purpose and a passionate public devotion independent of
the royal mainstream, then you risk being perceived and presented as a threat to the Crown itself.
This will mobilise the full forces of the Establishment against you.
And it won’t feel constrained by any fluffy notions of old-fashioned British fair play.
Whatever fairytale image Meghan may have once had of palace life, the reality is as old as time: behind the public image, courts are breeding grounds of intrigue, ambition, gossip and jealousy.
DON’T LET IT ALL GO TO YOUR HEAD
One evening, I accompanied Diana to a glittering new York ceremony at which she was given the Humanitarian of the Year award. This was an honour she’d tried to resist, partly on the grounds that her job meant she should be giving out awards, not receiving them.
Afterwards, over a glass of champagne, I told her: ‘I think you were right to accept this one. You’ve certainly earned it.’
She briefly raised her eyebrows, then turned to look at the nighttime Manhattan skyline.
‘no, Patrick, I don’t deserve this,’ she said. Then she raised her glass. ‘But I am working on it.’
That phrase summed up her vision of herself. And it wasn’t a bad poster image for a very successful brand of royalty: modesty and determination.
The danger of Meghan forming a false sense of her own worth is very real.
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
A large part of royal interaction — and especially the bit of it we see in public — is a kind of act. When I was at the palace, we used to joke that nine-tenths of being royal was turning up at the right place at the right time in the right clothes with the right speech in your pocket and the right expression on your face. However, Meghan should beware. Any suspicion that your public persona is not an honest reflection of your real personality will become obvious, sooner or later. It’s also wise to remember that hardly anyone, not even a trained actress, can keep up an act for ever. So Meghan may as well decide that the part of her she allows us to see is one that is both real and reliably predictable. Take Princess Diana. The public’s impression of Diana as a gutsy woman doing her best to help those in need — while raising two sons and fulfilling exaggerated expectations as a royal role model — was, as I saw for myself, essentially accurate.
People liked what they saw, believed it to be authentic and wanted more of it.
ONE THING YOU SHOULD NEVER DO
In A lifetime of royal service, Meghan cannot expect always to please. She should think long and carefully, however, before reaching for the race card as a response to unfavourable news stories.
Her diverse ancestry is a positive asset for the House of Windsor, as its members and supporters are well aware. But it would be tragic if Meghan or her husband got into the habit of firing ethnic warning shots at the very same media that will reliably trumpet all their good work for years to come.
STEER CLEAR OF POLITICS
Meghan should make an early vow to avoid all activity or communication that might be interpreted as a comment on politics or public policy. Her reputation won’t survive theatrical interventions in areas that rightly belong to elected politicians.
So her widely advertised support for Democratic politics in the U.S. is a piece of personal baggage that must now be jettisoned. The sacred royal duty of political neutrality doesn’t end at the shores of the kingdom.
SEEK OUT THE BEST ADVICE
THE royals can choose from a limitless smorgasbord of advice — good, bad and downright dangerous. Ultimately, it’s where Meghan chooses to turn for it that will determine much of her success or failure as a princess.
Diana didn’t always choose her advisers wisely. By the time she gave a self-sabotaging interview to the BBC’s Panorama, she had an increasing tendency to seek advice from those who saw her as a useful vehicle for their own agendas.
Sadly, they encouraged her to portray herself as a victim, rather than as the strong, influential woman I knew her to be.
NEVER COMPLAIN, NEVER EXPLAIN
THE Queen has demonstrated over the course of a lifetime that modern monarchy works best when it sticks to the old rule: ‘never complain, never explain.’
Prince Charles favours a different tactic, drawing criticism for what has been seen as an unwise amount of complaining and an un-royal amount of explaining.
Even Harry’s mother was rather too fond of both — although, in Diana’s defence, she may have learned it from her husband.
The public doesn’t always respond well to complaints from those who have virtually unlimited resources and plenty of privacy.
AND FINALLY . . . REAP THE REWARDS
THE best news for Meghan, for Harry and for an expectant British public is that if she gets it right, the reward will be the secure evolution of the great institution that has welcomed her — and two lives made complete by their service to humanity.
Adapted from the Meghan Factor by patrick Jephson, published by Bombardier Books, priced £11.22