Illness gave my daughter confidence she never had

WHeN Charlotte was diagnosed with cancer, she made an entry in her diary. ‘ I will make something good of having this cancer,’ she wrote.

‘I will show others that it is not all bad. I choose to live life to the full and love every second on this earth, good or bad.’

And that was the spirit she showed throughout her terrible illness. She never asked ‘ why me?’ and showed courage that humbled everyone who knew her.

For me, it’s the grimmest of ironies that a brutal disease gave my daughter the confidence she had so lacked before.

Charlotte hadn’t had the easiest time at school, as she struggled with anxiety. She was happiest at home, pottering around in the garden, or shopping.

That changed when, aged 16, she was diagnosed with a brain tumour after months of headaches and a ringing noise in her ear whenever she lay on her stomach.

By then, after research on the internet, she’d already diagnosed herself. But it was more desperate than we had thought.

Her cancer — anaplastic astrocytoma — was located on her brain stem, meaning that doctors couldn’t operate, and had spread to her spine. It was a rollercoaster from then on.

Just when Charlotte should have been starting to follow her dreams, her world shrank as she learned to deal with illness and disability on a daily basis.

YeT she dealt with it all with fortitude and humour, even when she lost her beautiful hair and radiotherapy damaged her hearing.

She would joke about the transformation of her handbag. ‘A few months ago, I just had makeup, and now I have hearing aids, a disabled badge and a load of medicine,’ she said.

What kept her going was her video blog.

When Charlotte realised there were no online resources for teenage cancer sufferers, she decided to do something about it, learning as she went.

Nothing was offlimits in her regular posts, from the frivolous — her cat Nala, fashion, makeup and the handbags she adored — to the frustrations and sadness she faced as her condition worsened.

Still, her older brother Miles and I thought nothing much of it all at first — but how wrong we were!

Charlotte’s broadcasts were hugely popular, won her awards from cancer charities and, to date, have had more than 4.3 million views. Yet, all the while, she was sinking.

Her cancer mutated into glioblastoma, a type of brain cancer doctors call ‘ the Terminator’ because the survival rate is so low.

I cannot describe the horror of helplessly watching my beautiful daughter deteriorate.

Gradually, the disease that would rob her of her future — the husband and the babies she had dreamed of — robbed her of her present, too.

One morning in January 2016, Charlotte woke up and told us she couldn’t curl her toes.

Within 48 hours, she was paralysed down one side, then within the next few weeks, she lost her speech.

On February 5, she went into a coma from which she never woke.

She died six days after her 19th birthday, leaving a huge, Charlotte shaped hole, which will never be filled.

What keeps us going is knowing the difference she made.

People all over the world still watch Charlotte’s video blogs and we have started a charity, Charlotte’s BAG (Battle Against Glioblastoma), to research this cruellest of cancers.

My dearest wish is that, one day, we will beat it and that will be my beloved, beautiful and brave daughter’s legacy.

Charlotte eades, born February 18, 1997, died February 24, 2016, aged 19. (www.charlottesbag.com)