Numbers that ruled our lives
Each of these women was obsessed by one of her body’s vital statistics. Here they reveal how they found healthier ways to value themselves ...
Ask any woman her dress size, her weight — or even how many calories she’s eaten that day — and you can bet the figure will trip off her tongue. Usually it’s followed by a guilty sigh.
Men barely know their shoe size. But women’s lives have become ruled by a long list of arbitrary numbers. It’s how we’re taught to value ourselves.
We do it without even thinking, but it’s a destructive mindset that recently incensed presenter and model Jameela Jamil, who describes it as ‘toxic’.
‘This is how women are taught to value themselves. In kilograms,’ she said.
she is now spearheading a campaign called ‘ I Weigh’, which encourages women to write a list of positive traits that define their ‘weight’ in the world rather than obsessing about the digits on the bathroom scales.
Our weight, dress size, even our waist measurements, have become the barometer of our happiness — and the most depressing number of all? The number of hours we squander fixating on these pointless figures when we could be doing other things with our lives.
Here, six women reveal the numbers that have ruled their lives — and how they are now changing their mindsets.
I REFUSE TO WEIGH MYSELF NOW
VOICEOVER artist Veronique Morato, 45, mum of Louie, five, lives with her partner in Watford. I’ve always preferred to use clothes as a way of monitoring my weight.
Today I refuse to weigh myself and I deliberately don’t have a set of scales. But that doesn’t mean I avoid all the angst. When clothes are feeling tight that makes me really low and anxious. My lowest point was six years ago, around the time I turned 40. I was putting on weight and my hip measurement went up from 35 in to 38 in.
Then I saw a nutritionist, who made big changes to my diet. I also spend three-and-a-half hours a week kick boxing. It’s hard fitting it in, but it is worth it as I have stopped suffering from anxiety about my body. Today I am between a size 10 and 12 and I finally feel good about myself.
I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN A CLOTHES LABEL
Teacher Vanesa Macia, 37, lives with her partner Samiul, 34, a chef. They have a five-month-old son aidan, and live in colchester. Before I had my son I was a size 10 and proud of it. I liked my body and I enjoyed seeing that label in my clothes. so it’s been a shock to find myself a post pregnancy size 14. We’re programmed to feel elated as a size 10, rubbish as a size 14 and it’s taken months to adjust.
There are reminders everywhere that mothers are supposed to snap back into shape. My breasts and tummy are a lot bigger than I expected. In the first few months, people would say: ‘you look healthy!’ but I knew they meant overweight. I found that hard because I’m naturally slim. Instead of giving myself some slack for having had a baby, it depressed me to see all the clothes I couldn’t fit into in my wardrobe.
I know I need to lose some weight but in the grand scheme of things I’ve started to realise it just isn’t important. I am so much more than a clothes size.
ASSESS YOUR HEALTH NOT YOUR SIZE
HOSPITAL worker Jessica Nobrega, 21, lives with partner Yuksel Hancer, 27, a personal trainer, and five-monthold son in North London. I Was the chubby kid at school and struggled with my weight. But it was my clothes size that really upset me. at my largest I was a size 24 and that felt like a public humiliation.
I could only go to certain shops and it affected my self-esteem. for my generation there is a pressure to look a certain way, which comes from constantly comparing ourselves on social media.
If you are the plus-size one, you are the outsider. What changed my mindset was working in a hospital. seeing the severely obese and associated diseases, such as diabetes, made me assess my life. Today I go to the gym and try to eat healthily. I’m a size 16 and weigh 13 st 5 lb but I don’t fixate on that. I won’t let my happiness be dictated by my clothes size any more.
MY CURVES ARE SEXY AND FEMININE
NUTRITIONIST andressa rodrigues, 33, lives in Snaresbrook with her two-yearold daughter helena. as someone who is naturally big-boned, I struggled with my weight when I was younger. I was effectively on a diet from the age of nine and by the time I was 16, I had an eating disorder. I was weighing myself three times a day. If I even put 200 g (7 oz) of weight on, it would spoil my whole day.
My lowest weight was 46 kg (7st 3 lb), but fortunately I didn’t need hospital treatment. at the time I didn’t understand skinny doesn’t mean healthy.
I wanted to fit in, so the last thing I wanted was curvy hips. I hated how my body looked, despite constant reassurance from my mother. now I realise
that the scales shouldn’t dictate how we feel about ourselves. I do weigh myself every couple of months or if my clothes feel tight, but it isn’t an obsession. I like my curves. They are sexy and feminine — Mum was right.
I EAT TO FUEL MY BODY NOT PUNISH IT
BUSINESS owner Megan Montague, 30, has two children and lives in Tonbridge, Kent. MY LIFE used to be ruled by numbers. As a young woman, I was so determined not to get any bigger than a size 8 that I used to restrict myself to 1,000 calories a day. I had an encyclopaedic knowledge of calorific values.
I also weighed myself constantly and my mood was very much linked to whatever digits flashed up on the scales.
It’s ironic, because today I weigh 2st more than I used to but I am exactly the same dress size, which I put down to healthy eating and working out with weights to build muscle.
My former self would have been totally shocked by such an increase but I feel liberated that I’m not ruled by those numbers any more.
I eat to fuel my body. and I don’t ever count the calories.
After having had two children I’m proud of how I look. But I’m not defined by it.
I AM BODY POSITIVE FOR MY DAUGHTER
BUSINESS owner Mandira Sarkar, 47, is married to Samin, 55, a management consultant, MOST of my life I have been a size 8 and slightly underweight, so I can’t help fixating on my recent weight gain. I assumed I’d be slim for ever.
Then 18 months ago after a virus I developed a ‘ thyroid storm’ which has slowed my metabolism. As a result I have ballooned and I’m 14 lb heavier.
Most people will look at me and say, ‘You’re not fat!’ and technically I am not. I’m a size 10. But I’m not as slim as I would like to be so that 14 lb has taken some time to get used to. As the mother of a 16-year-old girl, though, I am trying to be more positive and accept that weight changes.
As a 40-something woman I am much more than that 14 extra pounds. I am a mum, a wife, and a business owner. Those roles are what I want the world to judge me for not a number on the scales.