AN INSPECTOR CALLS

His mission: To test hotel hospitality to the limit

THERE’S a message from the French founders of Novotel in the lobby. It describes Accor Hotels — which owns Novotel — as representing ‘the breath of France that kindles the spark of conviviality, no matter where you are in the world’.

Well, I’m at Stansted Airport and not entirely convinced the spark has been kindled, even though this particular Novotel has been completely refurbished. For those with long memories it’s like a modern version of Crossroads motel. Harsh lighting, constant piped music in the bar and large TV screens on the walls.

There’s massive competition among airport hotels. This one is not the nearest to Stansted’s terminal, but that means you’re not hermetically sealed.

Windows can be opened a few inches and if you’re facing the inner courtyard, as I am, you hardly hear the planes.

The rates vary hugely. I’m paying £89, room only. You are charged for breakfast (which starts at 4am) and it’s £3 to take the shuttle bus to the terminal. My room is cheerful. Everything works, everything is in the right place, with plugs on both sides of the bed.

There’s a gym and games rooms on the ground floor but I make for the bar where I have a £7 glass of indifferent wine and resist ordering a pizza.

What I can’t resist is asking a member of staff if there’s any chance of turning down the music, or putting on something that doesn’t sound like a pneumatic drill.

‘I love this music,’ she says. ‘But I can change it for a different station — it’s the radio, actually.’

Dozens of us are waiting for the 6.45am shuttle. In my case, I have slept well — and it’s sleeping well that’s crucial when bedding down near a runway. Novotel London Stansted Round Coppice Road Stansted CM24 1SF Tel: 01279 680800, novotel.com Doubles from £63 ★★★☆☆