Is this proof men get postnata depression,

We assume only mothers suffer from it – but now the NHS says either parent can be affected. No one agrees more passionately than Vicky, who shares her husband’s haunting story ...

DURING the final weeks of his wife’s pregnancy and the first days of his baby son’s life, John Clayton couldn’t have been a more attentive husband and father.

The university academic was at Vicky’s side when her labour was induced. At home in Exeter with their newborn son, John was seemingly overjoyed and eager to play a full role in baby Hugo’s life, bathing him, changing his nappies and taking turns with his wife to feed him at night.

But three years after becoming a father, 41-year- old John took his own life. The note he left behind gave a sense of the despair that took hold of him as he adapted to parenthood.

‘He spoke of his love for Hugo and his concern for him,’ recalls Vicky, ‘but you could also feel the darkness he had been living in. He felt such a tangible weight on his shoulders, as if he was looking in on our world and seeing joy but couldn’t be part of it.’

During the 19 months since her husband’s suicide in November 2016, Vicky, 38, has endured the heartbreak of talking to their four-year-old son about what happened to his father in terms that he can understand.

‘Daddy was very poorly,’ is what she says when Hugo asks: ‘How did my daddy die?’

She is speaking out publicly now, however, because she believes that John was a victim of a serious, but rarely discussed, condition — male postnatal depression.

Traditionally, of course, postnatal depression (PND) has been regarded as a maternal problem exacerbated by hormonal changes following birth. And there will be those who are sceptical about claims that new fathers can also suffer. But there is a growing body of evidence to suggest otherwise.

Research backed by the NHS shows that up to one in 25 new fathers becomes depressed after having a baby, a fact that is rarely revealed to expectant parents — even though the NHS describes PND as ‘a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby’.

THENational Childbirth Trust (NCT), meanwhile, says that more than one in three new fathers are concerned about their mental health, while the Mental Health Foundation puts the rate of paternal PND at around 10 per cent — not far off that of mothers at 14 per cent.

But while in the UK the well-being of all new mothers is gauged by health visitors and other medical professionals, no such checks are in place for new fathers.

‘It needs to be talked about,’ says Vicky, who works part-time as a holistic therapist. ‘The fact is that men can suffer the same kind of emotional upheaval as women following the birth of a child.

‘John changed after he became a father. He didn’t get the help he needed because the problem isn’t recognised enough. Male postnatal depression needs to be highlighted so that other lives can be saved.’

Fathers who have PND tend to experience it in a different way to mothers, say experts, suffering from anxiety, aggression, distress and doubts about their parenting skills as well as withdrawing from the family.

They are much more likely than women to turn to alcohol or drugs to cope, and they also tend to experience a delayed onset of PND. While most women are affected in the months after birth, for men it is usually at its most intense once the child is at least a year old.

Abi Wood, head of campaigns at the NCT, explains: ‘ Postnatal depression and other perinatal mental health issues can be experienced by men as well as women, and this is increasingly being recognised.

‘Many men face huge upheaval when they become a father. More financial responsibility, changes in relationships and lifestyle, combined with a lack of sleep and an increased workload at home, can all affect a new dad’s emotional and mental well-being.

‘A father’s personality, social factors, family history and past mental health history can also affect his chance of developing depression.’ Early signs that something was wrong with John were not easy to detect, says his wife, Vicky.

In the first few weeks after Hugo’s birth, John was tired and fractious, but no more than she would have expected given the sleepless nights, endless feeds and bouts of their baby crying that all new parents have to cope with.

Vicky was dealing with her own exhaustion and her priority, she admits, was their son. ‘All new parents go through rough patches,’ she says. ‘I’d expected it to be difficult, so I wasn’t too concerned.’

By the time Hugo arrived in July 2013 — just two days after the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to Prince George — John and Vicky had been together for five years after meeting in 2008 at Cornwall College in Camborne, Cornwall.

‘John was so interesting to be with,’ says Vicky. ‘He was intelligent and had a great sense of humour. He loved being around people and was keen to help others.’

Within months they had moved in together, and two years later, in July 2010, John proposed during a holiday to the Scilly Isles, presenting Vicky with a ruby and diamond engagement ring which belonged to his great-grandmother.

As their wedding day approached, the couple moved to Exeter, where Vicky started a job as a PA at a large IT company. John, who was applying to study for his PhD, took a temporary job at the John Lewis call centre in the city.

At weekends, they went for long walks or supported the Exeter Chiefs rugby club at home games. John indulged his passion for fishing on the River Exe. Throughout this time, they had frank conversations about what they expected from marriage.‘We both wanted to start a family and we were already in our 30s by then, so we knew we didn’t want to delay things,’ says Vicky.

SHEdiscovered she was pregnant just two-and-ahalf months after their wedding at the Hartnoll Hotel, near Tiverton in Devon, in June 2012.

‘We were stunned it had happened so quickly,’ says Vicky. ‘But we were both over the moon.’

The couple’s joy was short-lived, however, when Vicky suffered a miscarriage at six weeks.

Happily, she became pregnant again just over a month later in October 2012. But John was understandably nervous. He waited