WHY IS MID-LIFE THERAPY SUCH A SHAMEFUL SECRET?

MID-lIFE women: do we have it all, or are we losing it? Compared with previous generations, we can have better jobs and a hormonehelped sex life, look fantastic for longer and get excited about the riotously fun time that awaits us in future decades.

or we could find ourselves going into a defeatist hole, where our nests are empty, jobs dissolved, partners departed, and life can look, well, a little less than rosy.

Whatever the reason, more of us than ever before are now making ourselves comfortable on the therapist’s couch; around 1.5 million Britons have seen a private therapist in the past year. According to a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy survey, 28 per cent of UK adults have tried therapy, up from 20 per cent four years earlier. The biggest group using it is 35 to 54-year-old women.

My own therapy experience was sparked by losing a high-profile job as an editor in my early 50s, with wobbles reverberating through all elements of my life: marriage, children, self-esteem. I felt shaken to my core and unable to deal with my sense of failure.

Conversations with my therapist built up trust, then looked deeper into my defensive ways and behaviour patterns. In all it cost around £2,000 over a year. It was worth every penny.

But you don’t have to lose a job in order to need a therapist: there are plenty of mundane reasons why these middle years are problematic for women, including hormonal changes.

Parents are also getting old and frail, and we are often more involved in the care of them, which can be exhausting as well as heartrending. And when they die, it can be devastating.

Mothers can be shocked by the feeling of dislocation that comes when their children leave home.

And, at this time, many women look at their partner and find the relationship atrophied. Do we stay together? Is a better phase just around the corner?

As therapist Anna Storey said, ‘Therapy allows time for introspection, to pause and think. So far in life, you might have been fulfilling somebody else’s ambitions (most likely your parents’) and have not stopped to consider your own. Now it’s your time.’

At 61, I’m now in the phase of life that’s often said to be the happiest. And I’m a stronger, more resilient soul for having got through the darker days — with a little help from my therapist. Even better, I now know who to call should the sun start to dip again.

... especially when more than a million of us had counselling last year. Here four top writers break the taboo with their own searingly honest stories