Pampered pooches are costing us a packet. Have we gone barking mad?

Western civilisation may be teetering on the brink but, while it’s fashionable to blame social media or Donald trump, there is a more furry culprit to blame.

We Brits pride ourselves on being a nation of dog lovers. Dominic Littlewood and Denise Lewis made it clear in their new daytime consumer series Right On The Money (BBC1) that our mutts are costing the earth.

that’s because today’s dogs no longer look after themselves, as previous generations of pooches did. they are spoilt little millennials who expect to be pampered.

take grooming: in my youth I had a self-sufficient mongrel that, twice a year, would give herself an almighty scratch and leave the furniture inch-deep in moulted fur. Job done.

now I have a high-maintenance poodle cross who’s far too posh to moult. she visits a grooming parlour every six weeks for a wet trim and a fluff- dry process, if you please.

It’s embarrassing. Once upon a time, only temperamental starlets such as Joan Crawford treated their pets like celebrities. now we’re all doing it. Littlewood met a dog-lover called Chandra, with two balls of wool called Mush and Ziggy — both bichon frises crossed with King Charles Cavalier spaniels, or cavashons.

Cavashons look like teddy bears dipped in sugar icing. Adorable is scarcely the word. But the £36 bill per dog for every trip to the groomer was less adorable. Chandra was paying £500 a year.

Littlewood’s suggestion, and I shall seriously consider following his advice, was to spend £235 on a one-day course in clipping, shearing, shampooing and detangling. there’s good money to be made there — though if you’re intent on a second home in Majorca with a yacht, Denise recommended being a professional dog-walker.

she spent a day with a pack of pets in the local park, charging £10 each per hour. that doesn’t sound excessive . . . but if you’ve got four dogs, you’re clocking up about five times the basic minimum wage.

right On the Money is full of startling little sums like these. Dom and Denise totted up the annual expense of a daily coffee, trips to the bingo, a gym subscription, even the true cost of each outing in the car.

every calculation was a jaw- dropper, but none more than the average £1,800 per year cost of owning a dog. Our pets really have no idea how much we love them, do they?

Alex Polizzi was loving her accommodation rather too much on The Hotel Inspector (C5). this time she was in Cumbria, at a country house on the banks of the river eden and, if it wasn’t paradise, it was fairly idyllic. ‘this is a pretty amazing room, with some nice touches,’ she hummed, as she pottered around her suite. ‘ It is really well thought-out.’

that’s not what we want to hear. Viewers watch Alex for the mouse droppings in the breakfast room, blocked pipes, cantankerous hoteliers and aggressive room service. the worst on show here was a clash of sofa fabrics in the sitting room.

true, one guest was disgruntled that the dining room wasn’t open every night.

‘It’s a cross between Downton Abbey and Fawlty towers,’ she grumbled, accidentally inventing the perfect B&B — a real Downton/ Fawlty combo would be booked solidly for years ahead.

Alex advised the owners to hire a manager and swap some cushions around. It made for dull telly. she should be prepared to ditch the episodes that lack drama: the series would be better in the long run.