IF I RULED THE WORLD . . . OUR TOP 10 HARRYS!
HARRY KANE
— Imperious captain, expert goal- sniffer, ice-cool penalty-taker. So popular that opposition defenders can’t stop hugging him in the penalty area, even when referees tell them not to.
HARRY MAGUIRE
— Leader of the England defence, a square-jawed colossus with a core of Sheffield steel. Currently in cinemas reprising his superhero role as Mr Incredible in the hit movie Incredibles 2.
HARRY HILL
— Surrealist comedian and creator of TV
Burp who might have a less conventional way of settling World Cup semi-finals: ‘England or Croatia, who is better? There’s only one way to find out. FIGHT!’
HARRY SECOMBE
— Welsh comic famed for his radio appearances alongside Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine on The Goon
Show. Diego Maradona has been doing his own version of that in the stands at Russia 2018.
HARRY POTTER
— Wizard with astonishing magical powers who sensationally overcame dark forces in a heart-stopping final showdown. Similar to Harry Kane’s role in England’s last-16 victory over Colombia.
PRINCE HARRY
— More of a rugby union man — big brother Wills prefers the footie — and hopefully not too jealous that viewing figures for his wedding to Meghan Markle are being trounced every time England set foot on the field.
HARRY HOUDINI
— Escapologist whose name has become synonymous with clubs winning apparently impossible relegation battles, even though Hungarian-born Harry never managed Crystal Palace.
DEBBIE HARRY
— Lead singer of new wave group Blondie, whose breakthrough album Parallel Lines was possibly a tribute to the rigid and ill-fated obsession of previous England teams with 4-4-2.
HARRY REDKNAPP
— Old-school manager who looked nailed on for the England job before it went to Roy Hodgson. Would probably be fed up now of telling Raheem Sterling: ‘My old woman could have scored that.’
HARRY RAMSDEN
— Yorkshireman whose original fish and chips restaurant in Guiseley, established in 1928, served more than a million customers a year at the height of its success. Then Arsene Wenger arrived in English football and everybody switched to salad.