Forget Jilly’s slap-and-tickle . . . here’s a bit of stab-and-cripple
According to the duchess of rollicking romantic novels, Jilly cooper, the essence of storytelling is colour. ‘never say, “The man rode down the lane,”’ she tells young writers. ‘Paint a picture: “A man in a scarlet coat rode a grey horse down the leafy green lane.”’
The makers of Picnic At Hanging Rock (BBc2) must be Jilly fans, because this eerie turn- of-thecentury Australian costume drama is drenched in colour.
True, there was also a raunchy scene in the stables, as a soldier forced himself on a virginal school-maiden. But it ended with the lusty subaltern’s foot skewered to the floor with a pitchfork — not so much slap-and-tickle as stab-and-cripple. That never happened in riders.
From the opening montage of this Picnic, every scene glowed like stained glass. natalie dormer was Mrs Appleyard, a Woman With A Past, posing as a respectable widow in a veil and acres of black velvet — framed by blazing sunlight at the window of an abandoned mansion.
This house, with its pianos, its marble expanses and (as the estate agent boasted) its faux-leather wallpaper, was to be transformed into a boarding school for the illegitimate daughters of the Aussie super-rich. clearly there was something fishy about Mrs A, despite her well-spoken demeanour and claims to come from London society.
What sort of lady takes so much notice of the naked statues while inspecting a country house? The sort who thinks faux- leather wallpaper is suitable for a girls’ school, that’s who.
Picnic At Hanging rock has been adapted before, as a gothic horror with firebrand actress rachel roberts. But where roberts was fearsome, dormer is creepily unsettling . . . an insecure predator who hides behind round, green glasses and has nightmares about appearing naked in public.
When she wanted to exude confidence — at a colonial fete in their outback town, for instance — she wore sweeping red satin with gold brocade. it contrasted fiercely with the washed- out blue of the girls’ daily uniform. Apologies if that reads like a report from the Ayers rock Fashion Weekly, but the colours really were the key.
The older girls saw through her gaudy display. ‘ if she’s from Kensington,’ muttered one, ‘i’m a stuffed parrot.’
Though it’s 40 years since the movie, the one thing everyone remembers about Picnic is that during the outing some of the girls mysteriously disappear.
Wisely, this version moved briskly, and didn’t delay the disaster. This episode, the first of six, ended with the remaining children stumbling out of thick mist in their white dresses, like ghosts spilling out of the clouds. Magical . . . and truly spooky.
TV adaptations of novels are all the rage this year, from history/ mystery like Picnic to the classics: veteran screenwriter Andrew davies announced he is bringing Jane Austen’s unfinished work Sanditon to TV for the first time.
Get Shorty ( Sky Atlantic) couldn’t be more different, though it, too, began with a book — loosely based on Elmore Leonard’s 1990 gangster black comedy — and was previously filmed with John Travolta.
irish comedy star turned Hollywood hotshot chris o’dowd plays a smalltime mobster who is bored of collecting debts and burying bodies. He fancies himself as a film producer instead.
o’dowd is hilariously hangdog, and increasingly manic as he realises he has put his beloved daughter Shorty in danger. The ten- part series is halfway through on TV, but the whole boxset is available to watch online, via the now TV site. ideal for binge-watching before this weekend’s sports extravaganza.