Judges force wife to stay in unhappy marriage
AFTER nearly 40 years of marriage, it was the little things that needled his wife. His booming voice in public, the cruel barbs he sent her way, and the time he started a conversation with the words: ‘Can I say something without you flying off the handle?’
On another occasion, when she suggested they eat supper in the pub rather than cook and Hugh Owens ventured that he would ‘rather not’, it sparked one of the biggest rows of their marriage.
But to Mr Owens – described as ‘somewhat old school’ by a judge – these were trivial incidents which were ‘very much the stuff of everyday married life’. In the end, the judges agreed, branding his wife Tini Owens ‘more sensitive than most wives’.
Dutch-born Mrs Owens, 68, and Mr Owens, 80, from Liverpool, married in 1978. Their daughter Kate, 39, was born within a year and now lives in Dubai with her rugby coach husband. Their son Thomas, 37, is a company director living with his partner in Gloucestershire, a few miles from his parents.
In the early years, Mr and Mrs Owens lived an enviable lifestyle. They built up a hugely successful £5million-a-year mushroom growing business and amassed four ‘nice houses’, including a stunning £630,000 Cotswolds farmhouse, where the family lived, and holiday homes in Wales and France.
But Mr Owens was accused of prioritising his work over home life, often missing holidays and family events. He was described as moody and argumentative, and lacking affection for Mrs Owens, who felt increasingly ‘unloved, isolated and alone’ and unappreciated as a wife and homemaker.
Desperately unhappy, in 2012 she embarked on a ten-month extra-marital affair, and in 2015 she filed for divorce.
But Mr Owens refused to consent, saying he forgave his cheating wife for her ‘misguided’ fling and insisting they ‘still have a few years of old age together’. Their marriage had been emotionally intense but they had learnt to ‘rub along’ together, he said.
Mrs Owens began to keep a diary of the times she claimed her husband was patronising, hurtful and unreasonable. She logged 27 incidents, but the courts focused on the four ‘top ranking’ of these, all from 2014.
And so it was that some of the finest legal minds in the land devoted an afternoon at the Royal Courts of Justice picking over the Owens’ mundane arguments about the recycling and where to eat that will be familiar to millions of married couples.
Mr Owens admitted his booming voice niggled his family. He told the court: ‘My wife and my son and daughter all tell me that I talk too loudly in public places.’
But matters came to a head at the end of an ‘otherwise pleasant’ holiday in Mexico, to attend a wedding. Marital strife flared up on their way home in the departure lounge at Cancun airport, on November 13, 2014, as Mr and Mrs Owens bickered over what gift to buy their housekeeper. Mr Owens had told his wife he had spotted a suitable present, but she went off and bought a necklace instead, later telling the court: ‘I bought a lovely little silver tortoise and chain and I knew she would love that.’
HOWEVER, she claimed her husband lost his temper and snapped: ‘Why did you not listen to me? Why did you not buy what I told you to?’ Mr Owens ‘would not let the matter drop’ and continued to berate her loudly as they progressed through the airport and queued for their plane, causing her ‘extreme embarrassment’.
Mr Owens denied shouting or ordering her
about, saying: ‘I certainly didn’t say, “Go and buy that present”. I suggested that she went, because there was – I have forgotten what it was now – but there was a very good offer on something which I thought would suit our housekeeper … and she came back with something else which I thought wasn’t as nice.’
It was put to Mr Owens that ‘ we’ve all walked through airports and seen those arguments between married couples, one shouting at the other, the other looking embarrassed wishing the ground would open up and swallow them’.
Mr Owens smiled and said: ‘It’s a complete exaggeration of what happened.’
A few months earlier, on May 8, 2014, Mrs Owens had asked her husband if they could have supper at the local pub to save her cooking because she was preparing for a dinner party the next day, the court heard. Mr Owens replied that he would ‘rather not’, but later he said he would book a table anyway because otherwise he would ‘never hear the end of it’. The couple then went to the pub and endured an excruciating silent meal during which Mr Owens rested his head in his hands with his eyes closed, which his wife said was embarrassing and upsetting and ‘a demonstration to all those around that he did not want to be there with her’.
Mr Owens recalled he had had ‘a tiring day in the garden’ and did not want to eat out. He denied causing embarrassment to his wife in the pub, saying that although there was little conversation, he was not sulking but ‘simply tired’.
Another time, on August 19, the couple had dinner with a male friend at a restaurant but Mr Owens humiliated his wife by firing ‘stinging remarks’ at her.
Mrs Owens said she had spoken to a waiter to comment on the excellent quality of the food, but when she turned back to join the discussion, she had lost the thread of the conversation.
Her husband snapped: ‘You missed out by thinking it was necessary to talk to the waiter’, she claimed, which ‘upset and embarrassed’ her in front of their friend.
However Mr Owens said the embarrassment was of her own making because she had been rude by calling over the waiter when their friend was trying to talk to them.
He said later that his wife would often tell him in restaurants to ‘lower your voice, you’re embarrassing me’, but added: ‘I’d look around and I would say, “Nobody is listening to us, Tini”. We could be discussing anything, politics, religion, anything, and she’d say, “Lower your voice”.’
Then there was the cardboard recycling argument. After Mrs Owens had put some cardboard outside in a skip for recycling, on February 27, 2014, her husband had ‘chastised her like a child’ in front of their housekeeper, by saying: ‘Can I say something without you flying off the handle? I have said this before, that when you put cardboard in the skip, do it properly and not without any thought about what will happen to it. It was all over the yard. I have picked up the big pieces but I want you to clear the rest from the shrubbery.’
Mrs Owens said that she felt ‘extremely embarrassed’ to be told off in front of their housekeeper, and when the two women went outside there were ‘only four small pieces’ to be cleared up.
Mr Owens said it had been a very windy day and the cardboard needed to be weighted down. He accepted that ‘ since this topic had been raised before, his frustration may have shown’ but insisted his simple ‘ request’ had been misinterpreted as a reprimand.
To Mrs Owens, these were all examples of intolerable barbs and public humiliations that wore her down.
But judges said the incidents she highlighted were ‘flimsy at best’ and within the parameters of a normal marriage. Now she will have to wait until 2020 before being allowed to divorce the man she married.