WordyWise

CELT-TIP PEN — used by ancient folk for writing hints. PLOTTING PAPER — on which conspiracies are written. ISSUE PAPER — distributed news sheet.

NURSERYRHYME FOR OUR TIMES

A towel I placed upon a chair To make sure no one else sat there. No one again sits there today. But someone took my towel away! Robert Ben-Nathan, Denham, Bucks. PRIVATE TUDOR — Henry VIII, independent teacher. PESTCODE — secret system for rats, cockroaches, etc. Dave Cullen, Alwoodley, Leeds.

ONE-LINE PHILOSOPHERS

RHINOS are just unicorns that have let themselves go. Peter Cocker, Southampton.

My HUSBAND is like our lawnmower — difficult to get started, emits a foul smell and doesn’t work half the time. Mrs Valerie Ashton, London N14.