Ephraim Hardcastle

IS David Beckham playing the long game in his quest for a knighthood? Last year his attempts to land a ‘K’ backfired with leaked emails revealing he thought the honours committee were ‘unappreciative c****’. Now he’s focusing on younger royals. He’s chummy with FA president Prince William and keen to work with him on a bid for the 2030 World Cup. A guest at Harry and Meghan’s wedding, he’s just announced his appointment as Invictus Games ambassador and will be with the couple in Sydney in October. One suspects it won’t have escaped canny David’s notice that the young royals have their own system of gongs and Ks, with the Royal Victorian Order – given to those who have served the monarchy ‘in a personal way’ – not requiring any input from the honours committee. UNUSUALLY for a senior US politician, the late John McCain had a dark sense of humour. On the last day of his presidential fight against Barack Obama in 2008 he realised from the exit polls that he’d lost and addressed supporters in Roswell, New Mexico, where conspiracy theorists claim the US military captured space aliens, saying: ‘The aliens have pledged their support for my campaign.’ THIRSTY movie star Robert Shaw, Quint in 1975’s Jaws, was drunk for most of the filming – even having to be carried on set on one occasion and goading co-star Richard Dreyfuss: ‘Look at you, Dreyfuss ... you’re fat and you’re sloppy. At your age, it’s criminal.’ Shaw, who died from a heart attack in his adopted home of Ireland, aged 51, defiantly said of his alcoholism: ‘I drink too much. Will you tell me one great actor who doesn’t drink?’ JOANNA Lumley, 72, pictured, tells Saga magazine she’s distressed at the beheading of Chinese lions so their skulls can be used to enhance sexual performance, saying: ‘It breaks my heart. I want to hire planes and fly over China and air-drop millions of Viagra tablets and say, “Try these instead of killing lions and tigers”.’ WHILe embittered Monty Python colleague John Cleese says he’s quitting the UK for a new life in the Caribbean, Michael Palin insists the old fool should not be taken seriously. ‘He’s always emigrating, looking for the perfect place to live, the perfect life,’ says Palin, 75. ‘He laughs at me travelling the world, but he’s become a nomad himself. He’ll be back.’ TYCOON Lord Sugar, 71, locks horns with detractors on Twitter, repeatedly barking ‘p*** off,’ adding to one: ‘Take a very long walk off a short pier.’ He sarcastically tells another: ‘You are hilarious, have you ever considered stand-up comedy? So funny you most probably will have movie agents on to you... for cleaning cinema toilets.’ Charming old soul, isn’t he? THe disclosure that the BBC wasted £15,000 on 994 cancelled taxis was little consolation to Goodie Bill Oddie, 77, who appeared on Michael Ball’s Sunday Radio 2 show, tweeting: ‘Apparently BBC staff are not allowed to even book let alone pay for a taxi for guests. I confess I was plugging forthcoming Goodies Box Set. Should’ve paid them perhaps.’