THAT SINKING FEELING...

ONE of Alan Bennett’s favourite stories is about two ladies fishing on the River Spey. They were standing in the middle of the river in those rubber waders that go up over your tummy.

The first lady started shouting crossly at the other one: ‘Private waters, get oorf!’

Eventually, the second lady turned around — and it was the Queen Mother. The lady who’d been shouting was so embarrassed that she curtsied in the river.

She curtsied so low that her waders filled with water and she couldn’t stand up again. In the end, a gamekeeper had to jump in the river and save her from drowning.