Dratted change is making the Westminster loons twitchier

JUST when you thought the rat-biting loons at Westminster couldn’t get any more twitchy, the Boundary Commission published its final recommendations for altering and in some cases scrapping certain constituencies.

Behind the scenes this was the main focus for many Members yesterday, as they nervously inspected the commission’s proposed new map of political Britain.

Would their seat be merged with another? Would it be polluted by unhelpful new wards from neighbouring seats that might therefore make the seat more marginal?

Change, change, dratted change. It may be part of political life that MPs are supposed to welcome change. Isn’t that what their spin doctors are always telling them? But spin doctors are on a consultancy wage and don’t have to put themselves at the mercy of the unwashed electorate. In truth few backbenchers like change. They want a life of comfort and certitude, be it in Opposition or on the Government benches.

Look at the revulsion with which most MPs have greeted the revolutionary potential of Brexit. They have reacted like children being offered a new dish for supper. Yuck. What is it? Never tried it. Don’t like it. and look at how they already saw off the boundary changes once (when Nicholas Clegg reneged on an agreement with David Cameron) and how they have been putting it on the long finger ever since. They might well try to vote it down again.

‘Order order!’ called Speaker Bercow as the Commons day began. It’s all right for Bercow. He is not likely to seek re-election, for once he has ended his time in the Chair (soon, please) he will probably be shoved up to the Lords. For what it is worth, his Buckingham seat will be merged with Milton Keynes West. It should be solid Tory.

The boundary changes are needed to make constituency sizes more equal. at present, seats vary wildly in population size – something that obviously needs to be rectified if we are all to have roughly the same electoral clout as our fellow subjects. The boundary changes are also needed to fulfill the Government’s long- standing manifesto promise, popular with the public (though not MPs), to reduce the number of MPs from 650 to 600. That would save many million pounds and might even lead to an improvement in the quality of our parliamentarians.

Westminster’s day had opened with news that Guto Bebb, wet-as-a-whelk Tory MP for aberconwy and briefly a defence minister, had come out with a call for a second EU referendum. Mr Bebb is a fan of Brussels.

Yet his constituents were keen Leavers. The aberconwy seat will disappear in the proposed boundary changes and Mr Bebb could well lose his parliamentary career. Was it that prospect of oblivion that turned him maverick and caused his volteface on a second referendum? Decent Vernon Coaker ( Lab, Gedling) contributed to an Education Questions discussion. Gedling is going to disappear in the boundary changes and the seat will become part of Nottingham East & Carlton. Nottingham East already has a Labour MP, Chris Leslie. Will veteran Vern stand against Blairite Leslie? Or might Momentum swoop and insert a Corbynite Comrade?

Such are the peppery uncertainties created by these boundary changes.

WERA Hobhouse (Lib Dem, Bath) had something to say about school buildings. Her seat, long a Tory-Lib Dem marginal, is going to expand in the boundary changes and incorporate rural Summerzet wards currently represented by Eurosceptic Jacob rees-Mogg. What will those yokel voters make of mwaw-mwaw cosmopolitan Ms Hobhouse?

Into the Chamber bowled Emily Thornberry, head buried in her mobile telephone. She looked to be deep in study of some document. Islington currently has two seats, one hers, the other held by a certain J. Corbyn. In future there will just be one Islington MP. a party leader surely has droit du seigneur. Might Emily be asked to do the decent thing? You wouldn’t want to be the Labour official who had to ask her.

Pass the tin helmet, Willoughby.