ESCAPING A BAD LEGACY
JUST because your parents had a bad relationship doesn’t mean you have to. here, former marriage counsellor HILARY BOYD, who’s been with her husband for 45 years, gives her tips.
DO FORGET ABOUT SEX . . .
WITH average life expectancy now in the 80s, we might reasonably expect to be married for four or five decades. Scary, eh? So make sure you’re good friends with your partner. Sexual attraction might be what drives us to marriage, but it won’t necessarily see you into old age.
. . . BUT DON’T LET THINGS GET BORING
IN THE hurly-burly of daily life, many couples stop noticing each other. Each becomes a cypher: the person who does the school run or weekly shop. Boring. It can be restful — until a flirtatious outsider comes along. Recreate the excitement of new romance with your spouse, rather than a stranger.
DON’T WORSHIP YOUR PARTNER
IT’S fine to adore your other half — but love them for who they are, not who you’d like them to be. Being idealised creates pressure, as you feel you’re falling short.
DO HAVE TWO SHEDS!
IT’S essential to every husband’s happiness to have a ‘man cave’ where they can tinker with bikes or read books with a Thermos of tea. But women need a space of their own, too, where they can just be themselves.
DON’T IGNORE PROBLEMS
PEOPLE often seek help from professionals too late, when resentments have built and neither is willing to move past them. If only they had confronted the problem earlier and trusted their marriage could survive the truth. Even an affair can be overcome if you understand why it happened.
DO KEEP SECRETS
THE words ‘what are you thinking?’ should strike fear into your heart. Being someone’s husband or wife doesn’t mean they own your thoughts. We all have dark imaginings or fleeting sexual longings and having to confess them is not fair or sensible. hILARY BoYD’S novel The Anniversary is published by Michael Joseph today at £7.99 and available in eBook at amazon.co.uk. To order a copy of the paperback for £6.39 (offer valid until September 27, 2018), visit mailshop.co.uk/books or call 0844 571 0640. P&P is free on orders over £15.