Ephraim Hardcastle

THERESA May had to address EU leaders in Salzburg after they’d consumed good food, fine wines and intoxicating liqueurs. By contrast, the Queen speaks at the start of state banquets, while HM’s Privy Council meets standing up – sans refreshments – to encourage brevity and clarity. Even the PM’s weekly audience hour with the monarch is ‘dry’ – except for water when requested. DENIS Norden, who has died aged 96, went to America in the 1960s with comedy partner Frank Muir to work with Jack Benny and other great names. The Jewish Chronicle notes: ‘Denis was very Jewish, Frank was decidedly not.’ Seemingly mystified, US comedian Mel Brooks said to Muir: ‘You’re six-feet-four, not Jewish – and you’re a comedy writer?’ ENVIRONMENT Secretary Michael Gove’s so-called crackdown on the ivory antiques trade is likely to please elephant-saving Prince William, but is the claim that the UK is a major market true? In 2016, civil servants recorded 5,050 ivory exports. Of those, 4,284 were individual piano keys – ie, about 82 pianos. FAYE Dunaway, pictured in her prime, is accused of yelling ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ at staff at Manhattan’s swanky hairdresser Warren Tricomi. Salon owner Edward Tricomi’s defence of the 77-yearold star – presumably after considering other customers – was double-edged: ‘Faye is fine. She isn’t any more pretentious than anyone else.’ LORD Sugar, 71, is busy promoting his upcoming series of The Apprentice. There were calls for him to be dropped after he compared, on Twitter, Senegal’s World Cup football team to Mediterranean beach pedlars. But the BBC says Sugar – who, philanthropically, gives his fee from the show to charity – ‘acknowledged this was a seriously misjudged tweet’. So next month he resumes firing most of the hopeful boobies who’ve made the shortlist. RECOVERING alcoholic Tony Adams, 51, the former Arsenal and England football captain, warns Radio 4 listeners of another modern-day vice, saying: ‘Gambling’s everywhere, it’s destroying lives.’ Somewhat inappropriately, perky sports hostess Karthi Gnanasegaram then came on to report: ‘Just to give you the racing tips this morning.’ PUBLICITY-seeking Remain campaigner Gina Miller accuses Brexiteer Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg of avoid debating with her, saying: ‘Every time he signs up to do a TV or radio show, and then finds I’m on it, he pulls out.’ Do you blame him? HIS wife Catherine, 65, having become Baroness Meyer of Nine Elms in June, Sir Christopher Meyer, 74, the former British ambassador in Washington, says he’s modelling himself on Richard Madden, 32, of the hit BBC TV series, Bodyguard. However, he adds: ‘I am not minded to display my buttocks, as he did in episode three.’