My affair was a confidence boost but filled me with guilt

Clare Matthew, 40, a school receptionist, is married to second husband rob, 35, a civil servant. they have two children, and live in Colchester. Clare had a six-week affair during her first marriage.

I NEVER imagined I could be unfaithful. But when I was feeling unloved and vulnerable, I’m ashamed to admit I strayed. I had never cheated before, and I was filled with guilt.

I married my first husband in my mid-20s. I expected to settle into comfortable married life, but we both had busy careers in the civil service which neither of us was prepared to step back from.

He was still interested in sex, but I wasn’t satisfied. It was emotionless and cold, not loving. In public he was distant and didn’t compliment me. If only he had shown some warmth I’d never have cheated, but I felt alone.

I found it difficult to keep my emotions in check at work. So I

wasn’t surprised when my boss, who was married, asked for a word in his office.

The door closed and he pulled up a chair next to me. He asked if everything was all right. I blurted out my troubles. He was sympathetic and invited me over for dinner. My husband was away with work and I immediately said yes. I assumed it was an innocent offer, but with hindsight deep down it felt flattering that someone — especially someone good-looking — was paying attention to me. I dressed up. I was surprised when I arrived to discover his wife was away, but after dinner we kissed and one thing led to another. I told myself it would happen only once. But my boss sent me a series of flattering texts and I couldn’t resist. The sexually charged words made me feel desirable when all my husband did was criticise me. The secrecy was intoxicating and exciting, too — it was a huge confidence boost. Yet I was filled with guilt. My marriage limped on for another year, but eventually we divorced. I’m so happy to have met Rob and fallen in love again — and I can’t imagine everbeing unfaithful to him.