Is it really criminal for a bobby to have ‘I love mum’ inked on his arm?

APLAN to recruit more officers for the capital’s crime-sodden streets has seen the metropolitan Police relax rules banning visible tattoos. Can piercings and nose-rings be far behind for the fashion- conscious bobby on the beat? Shudder.

A big part of me is horrified that the met is dropping its standards — there must be a desperation to swell depleted ranks. Surely anyone foolish enough to get the kind of visible tattoo that spoils their chances of gainful employment should be automatically disqualified from the force on the grounds they are too stupid to go around upholding the law?

Yet the met says attitudes towards tattoos are changing. That is certainly true. An entire generation of dedicated skininkers has turned tattoos into a High Street staple; something that is now so ubiquitous, so predictable and so downright naff that having a unicorn tattooed on your forehead or a star on your hand will no longer bar you from public office.

However, even the cops have their limits. All tattooed applicants will be reviewed on case-by- case merits, which presumably means that swastikas, guns, pornography and anything promoting drug-use are out.

A Chief Inspector of Tattoos is to be appointed; perhaps some clean- shaven cove with a magnifying glass, who will be examining maori whirls and the small-print on sleeve tats to see if they pass Scotland Yard obscenity tests.

Others might argue that cops have human rights, too. They should be allowed to express themselves with hard lacquer mohicans and even those awful tunnel-earrings.

You never know when they might come in useful . . . for tripping up a burglar, or rescuing a kitten from a tree, perhaps?

SOME of my regular readers will know that I come from a police family, a platoon of serving and retired officers on both sides of the Scottishenglish border.

my old-school dad? Appalled at the thought of officers with visible tattoos and equally unimpressed with general falling standards of smartness; including unpolished boots, a lack of smart shirt and tie in standard-issue, casual new uniforms, on- duty designer stubble, trendy gelled hair and hair that is too long.

Not to mention officers being less than scrupulous about wearing their hats, which older policemen generally feel does nothing to increase public confidence in cops.

Other policemen I know voiced fears about operational handicaps. Wasn’t there a danger in joining a security force with a visible tattoo — something that would make you so easy to identify, on or off-duty?

In other respects, tattooed police officers are nothing new.

For many decades, British forces have happily employed experienced ex- servicemen — like Sgt David Budd in BBC’s Bodyguard — and we all know that tattoos are commonplace in the military.

Traditionally, officers with tattoos on their forearms were encouraged to wear long sleeves — and this was accepted and understood by all.

However, that was back in the day when policemen were also smart, poised and helpful, with a commanding presence on our streets.

Now? The once-inviolate rules about height, weight, general health, smart appearance and fitness have been eroded by political correctness and desperation. Some forces are even considering scrapping fitness tests because so few potential officers are passing them.

Perhaps this lax approach is a reflection of the fact that joining the police is no longer such an attractive career choice.

Officers work longer hours for less pay, pensions aren’t what they were and the job is far more pressurised.

Add to this the fact that great swathes of the ungrateful public have no respect for the police, it’s no wonder recruitment is a problem.

But aren’t tattooed officers a step too far?

Perhaps not. Tattoos were once an artistic expression of subversive culture, yet now they’re as suburban as fake tan and Lynx body spray.

If a constable with two full sleeves and ‘I Love mummy’ inked across his forehead comes to your rescue at a time of personal peril, what are you going to say?

There is only one civilised reply. And that is this: ‘Thank you very, very much, officer.’