I hope my Q&A shed some light

Lisa was on the door handing out raffle tickets and i was backstage doing last-minute preparations with our data analyst for a film and slide show.

The electricity went down at 6pm so we were scrambling for our 7.30 start, with the queue snaking down the stairs and out on to the club car park by 7.15. i can’t remember being so apprehensive about a Q&a night with fans.

i think i’ve been doing them for long enough to know what works. Before i started, i asked everyone in the packed room — 200 people, give or take — to shake hands with the person standing next to them.

it’s good to lighten the mood. But this was a bit different. i was talking in the conference room of the stadium where we’ve not won since august and there was no point applying gloss. i put my cards on the table about how i came to Chesterfield to be in the top three, minimum, how this wasn’t what i’d expected at all.

What strikes me most about the game we all love is the way those on the inside make it a science which excludes supporters.

i tried to show, through film, the way we have been changing systems between home and away games. away from home, we are more direct. at home, we operate with a No 10 behind our striker and play the ball on the ground. i discussed a big turning point — a 3-1 defeat at home to Maidenhead United on september 25 — which screamed out to me our lack of one of the most basic commodities: mobility, to cover the ground we needed to on the pitch. it seemed right to tell my audience about our inquest after that night. a long afternoon with my staff at my house, next day, looking for answers.

The phone call i made to my chairman, Dave allen, who told me things had to change. i told my audience that we’d brought down the average age of the team since then, from 29.9 to nearer 25. i told them i expect the players to be mobile. There’s a zero tolerance of short sideways or backward passes in our own half.

There can be a black humour about football when you are struggling. My audience laughed at moments when i hadn’t intended it. in the second half of the evening, i took questions and it became clear that some needed convincing we’re on the right track.

it stung me a bit when someone asked how i could justify saying we were making progress. But that’s what you need on these occasions. You don’t want people sitting in front of you, just nodding,

someone asked me if i felt guilty or embarrassed by the fact we’re 19th. i told him that i might be if i was playing golf every afternoon, going horse racing, turning up at the ground at 9.30am, going home at 1.30pm. Embarrassed? No. Frustrated, disappointed, upset, sad? Yes to all four.

One of the raffle prizes was the chance for a fan to spend a day with me in the office, out on the training field. That helps to get the word out about how we’re doing things.

The night ran on a bit but i didn’t want to leave until the last of them did. The local paper said i ‘refused to dodge the bullets’ which i hope is right. Winning is the easy bit.

These periods test you and you can’t hide, even if the lights have gone out.