I’m trying hard to change, but she’s fallen out of love with me

DEAR BEL,

MY PARTNER and I are each divorced, together for seven years, three children between us.

She has two daughters, one at uni and the other still at school with quite severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

The younger daughter and I get on well and I love her as if she were my own. Two weeks ago, my partner moved into the spare room, needing ‘time and space’.

When we talk (which isn’t often) about her reasons she says it’s because I was always moaning — mostly about this daughter.

I just couldn’t understand why she was always so accommodating towards the obsessions — most of which would impact on me. So I’d have to go and sit in the car when the daughter came home from school while she carried out her lengthy routines.

When they’re over, the daughter won’t give us time together — making it impossible to talk or watch anything on the TV. Not a word from the mother — just acceptance.

Hence when we did get time together in the mornings before I left for work, I would speak about my concerns about the routines/ obsessions, but clearly it came across as moaning.

This chipped away at her and she

fell out of love with me. Then because of my weight, she stopped fancying me. Now going to the gym, I’ve lost 2st. I’m 5ft 9in and now weigh 18st — still too big, but I’m working on it.

Obviously, I have promised not to moan and not be grumpy and just let her get on with it — which I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. My partner’s not yet convinced. Only time will tell.

When she’s in a good mood, she might kiss me goodbye. At other times, she’s cold and distant, confusing me still further.

I’m trying not to be needy and asking for hugs and kisses (she always obliges), but it’s hard when I love her so much.

She says I’m caring and considerate and we were a good team. But I can’t deal with this uncertainty.

I feel so bad for the impact on my young son. I left his mother when he was a small boy and I thought we would show him a stable home life.

He is the only reason I haven’t found a quiet stretch of railway line. But now I feel a failure to him.

I have no friends or family to talk to. I didn’t need any — she was my best friend — the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

DAVID