Ephraim Hardcastle

MINISTER for ‘Europe and the Americas’ Sir Alan Duncan says of former foreign secretary Boris Johnson on TV: ‘He is the last person on Earth who would make any progress negotiating with the EU.’ Imagine the rapport sleek Alan and Billy Bunter lookalike Boris enjoyed at the FO! THE Irish Times is amused by MPs ‘rubbing their eyes’ as they watched Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell, who once praised ‘the bombs and bullets and sacrifice of the IRA’, denounce the Brexit backstop as a ‘threat to the Union’. Shouldn’t the MPs have felt disgust, not astonishment? LABOUR politician Eddie Izzard, 56, says that being a busy transvestite has its romantic drawbacks. Describing himself as ‘a lesbian trapped in a man’s body’, he adds: ‘Being transgender and out for 33 years, plus the politics, comedy and my marathon running, makes it tricky to have a relationship.’ Especially the marathon running! LONDON mayor Sadiq Khan, leaving the capital’s crime epidemic for a trip to Ireland, mocks Theresa May there, telling the Dublin Chamber of Commerce she had as much chance of getting a Brexit deal ‘as her securing the lead role in the next production of Riverdance’. Ireland benefits enormously from EU membership, funded largely by the UK and other leading European economies. So the mayor’s weaselly remarks were well received. DESPITE two painful divorces – from actors Brad Pitt and Justin Theroux – Jennifer Aniston, 49, now says: ‘We chose to be happy but sometimes happiness didn’t exist within that arrangement anymore.’ Why do unworldly Jennifer and fellow actress Gwyneth Paltrow, both pictured, seem like visitors from another planet? HARRY and Meghan’s decision not to occupy Apartment 1, Kensington Palace, next door to William and Kate, is puzzling. KP was where he was brought up. He and William’s childhood memories were made there. Diana’s grandchildren were to have been surrounded by memories of her furnishings, gardens and, next year, a statue. ‘For Harry the wrench will be hard but Meghan loves Windsor,’ says my source. PERSONABLE News at Ten presenter Tom Bradby now appears on ITN’s flagship show three nights a week instead of four. Popular friend of the younger royals Tom, 51, was appointed principal News at Ten anchor in 2015 to poach viewers from the BBC rival, fronted by Huw Edwards, 57. Now News at Ten viewing figures are below two million – roughly half of the BBC’s. DICK Van Dyke, 93 on Thursday, brushed aside offers of physical assistance when filming scenes in the new Mary Poppins sequel. Emily Blunt, 35, who plays the famous nanny, tells Radio Times: ‘We were there to offer him help, but he was batting away our hands.’ Dick’s farcical ‘Cockney’ accent in the original movie is treasured by comics now.