I’m in Pole position to be Santa Claus
‘Ah! Come in, young man!’ the lady said, beckoning with a wave, In a room so festooned with tinsel, it resembled Aladdin’s cave. ‘You’re here for the interview!’ she deftly ticked me off her list, ‘No need for CVs and things,’ she was eager to insist. A wannabe ‘in-store Santa’, I was champing at the bit, Yet the nerves were jangling ominously: what if my profile didn’t fit? The manager appeared from nowhere, a man of imposing disposition, Merely shaking hands with him was a daunting proposition. He cast a critical eye my way and slowly shook his head, Doubt etched clearly on his face . . . did he expect an older bloke instead? Still, he led me through a festive maze of baubles, lights and trees, By the time we reached his office, I was trembling at the knees. ‘Right lad, pull up a chair! So you think you’ll make a Santa?’ I quickly gulped: ‘No problem!’ which provoked a little banter.
But confidently added: ‘Look, I was born to play the part. ‘You could say, I’m a natural. I’d be in role right from the start!’ ‘Well, if you’re going to fit the bill, it’s important kids believe you.’ ‘They’ll be putty in my hands,’ I said, ‘the minute I make my debut!’ ‘That’s the spirit!’ He managed a grin. ‘How soon can you grow a beard?’ I stroked my meagre stubble. This was more difficult than I’d feared. ‘Don’t worry, son, just joking. We’ll give you all the kit.’
I began to relax a bit more now, knowing I was dealing with a wit! ‘Right, how good are you with ho-ho-hos? Let’s hear what you can do!’ I immediately found my deepest voice and bellowed right on cue. ‘Very impressive, I must say! What about communication skills? ‘When chatting to little children, you can do away with all the frills.’ I shrugged: ‘My dad was Father Christmas, until he recently retired. ‘He’s shown me all the ropes. I know the patter if I’m hired.’ ‘OK. Perhaps we need a younger man. One with energy and drive, ‘Who can push the frontiers of make-believe. See Santa vibrant and alive! ‘I think you’ve got what it takes, so I’m sure you’ll make the grade, ‘But you do realise this is seasonal work? Just December, I’m afraid.’ ‘What about the rest of the year? Are you on the dole?’ ‘No way!’ I gave a nervous laugh. ‘I’m from the North Pole!’