Get your own hobby or get a tandem

STEPH SAYS:

AS FAR as I see it, you have two options: either find your own new hobby, or get a tandem!

In all seriousness, retirement is often one of the most difficult stages in a relationship — simply because you’re both spending loads more time together than you did when he was working.

Both partners have been happily following their own routines for years and, overnight, those routines are thrown out of the window. The problem is you have yet to establish new ones.

Suddenly you are faced with spending every day with someone under your feet.

The fact this new status quo is difficult often comes as a surprise, when, in fact, how you’ll fill your days should be discussed at great length before anyone actually retires.

Many couples don’t manage to weather this huge upheaval, so it is totally understandable you’re struggling.

That being said, we now have to find a way to help you navigate these choppy waters, and my suggestion is you join in! He’ll probably be delighted as he is clearly passionate about his new hobby. But just in case he isn’t, prepare yourself for the fact the cycling group might not be a ‘couples thing’.

It might be that his biking buddies use the group to get away from their partners! So don’t push it if you’re not welcome.

Instead, remind yourself that at least your husband will know you want to share his hobby, rather than resenting him for having it. That alone should make a huge improvement in your relationship. Step two: if he doesn’t want you to join his club, find one of your own. That way you maintain some of your independence and show him you are able to adapt to this new life you are building together. The crucial word here being ‘together’.

What you need to do is to show him you support his choice of pastime, that you don’t resent him wanting to spend time without you. The best way to do this is with your own new activity, done at the same time as him and with the same enthusiasm.

I would love to see whether he manages to accept your new hobby and its associated implications with equal enthusiasm — especially if you have to splash out on expensive equipment and tools, too!

Finally, remember it’s a healthy sign he wants to take on new challenges. Plenty of people hit a slump once they leave work.

even healthier still will be if you can both support each other in your new endeavours. Time to stop letting that wretched bicycle come between you!