LAP OF LUXURY
Pampered pooches have never had it so good when hitting the sack, reports
W OULD you want to be the Beckhams’ dog? And before you answer that, you’d better answer a couple of other questions. Do you prefer soft or hard bedding? And what do you want next to your skin when you take a bit of shut-eye? Faux-fur or Merino wool?
Photographs of the Beckhams’ spaniel Olive asleep on her master’s chest went viral last month and, as Olive has her own Instagram account, one assumes she was cool with that. But the main focus of attention, not to mention ridicule, was neither the pooch nor her famous owner. It was the £4,600 red Louis Vuitton blanket she was wrapped in.
To a former dog- owner like me, whose much-loved mongrel slept on the kitchen floor and never once complained, despite complaining about a lot of other things, the thought of dropping nearly £5,000 on a dog blanket seems so utterly bonkers that you can only call it Beckham-esque.
But the Beckhams, though they set a high bar, are not alone in pampering their pooches at bedtime. Everyone seems to be doing it, and not just celebrities.
Research published by American Express in 2016 revealed that the average British dog-owner spent just over £1,250 a year on their pet. That equates to more than £10 billion a year across the country.
Bearing in mind that you can feed a dog for between £200 and £400 a year, depending on its size, that suggests that an awful lot of money is being spent of ‘treats’ of varying degrees of frivolity.
Dog grooming salons have never been more popular. There is a booming market in dog toys. Boarding kennels are being superseded by dog hotels with individual rooms and, for all I know, satellite TV and a mini-bar. So it is hardly surprising that companies specialising in beds have got in on the act.
There must now be more different dogbeds on the market than there are breeds of dog. Even simple floor cushions promise they are made of ‘recycled plastic with the feel of wool’. Pillows are guaranteed to be made of ‘memory foam’.
I visited a Dalmatian friend recently and found him snoozing on such a soft, well-padded bed that it was like visiting a 17th-century French aristocrat in his bedchamber and I am not sure there wasn’t a hint of perfume among the usual canine aromas. And this is an animal from Yorkshire, toughest of counties!
What happened to those simple, no-frills dog kennels of the Tom & Jerry cartoons? Anyone who made their dog sleep in an outdoor kennel in 2019 would be ostracized by their neighbours. Even owners who refused their dogs access to their bedrooms would attract censure in pet-loving Britain.
The Beckhams may have scaled the heights of idiocy, but the idiocy was there already, and for those with money to lavish on their dogs, there is a fast-growing market in bespoke dog-beds that cost more than most dogs.
It is a cliche to say that pets are child substitutes, but there is a lot of truth in it and, with birth rates falling, it is not surprising
that dogs are filling the emotional vacuum. There are now as many dogs as children under ten in the UK and, as the average dog sleeps for around 18 hours a day, it is hardly surprising that so many push the boat out to make their beloved pets feel comfortable ThE at night.
Beckhams may have pushed the boat out further than most, but for those who have money to burn and are prepared to risk being teased by their more sensible friends, there is a rich array of unashamedly flamboyant dog-beds on the market.
Those on a budget might fancy the Fatboy Stonewashed Doggielounge bed from houseology ( houseology.com), which costs £79.99 and looks like a bright red briefcase with a bone for handle. But if you really
want to spoil your mutt, you will have to dip deeper into your wallet.For about £220, you can get a bed in faux- suede Pendleton Ombre Plaid (seriously) from Ralph Lauren home ( ralph lauren.co.uk). For slightly more, £240, you can get a raised rattan bed from Charley Chau ( charley chau.com). This one stands a foot off the ground and is suitable for sensitive dogs who are nervous of mice. Probably not so suitable for animals with arthritis, as they would struggle to get up in the morning. Then there is the Louis XIV-style dog bed, from £438 with Joanna Wood ( joannawood. com). This one is so shamelessly overthethe-top, wit with a high, curved back, that if it was w for humans, they’d probably be marched off to the guillotine. For smaller breeds, the Yorkshire Y Dales dog-bed in Bruciano leather and Oatmeal O tweed may be worth w a passing sniff. It costs c £ 450 with Pink Whispers W ( pinkwhispers. co com). Last but not least, there th is the Mowbray dog- do bed frame with a faux-fur fau liner — a bit like a four-poster fou without a canopy op — for £720 from Oka ( ok oka.com).
And A if you are starting to think thi that the world has gone, gon er, barking mad, you are not alone.
At a psychological level, though, it all makes a kind of sense. Your dog shows it loves you by wagging its tail. You show you love your dog by giving it biscuits – or if you can afford it, slices of roast pheasant with cranberry sauce. So, naturally, you want to give Rover or Jasper or Esmeralda the most luxurious bed you can afford.
But isn’t there a risk of ending up with spoiled pets who will not do their owner’s bidding? Pampered children can end up as neurotic adults. A puppy raised in the lap of luxury could cut up rough later in life if its mattress was too hard or its pillow was not from harrods.
We all know the old saying: if you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas. Well, in 2019, it needs replacing with a new warning: if you lie down with dogs, you had better wear silk pyjamas if you want to match the style standards of your canine bedfellow.