Dynamite? Brokenshire needs more Max Factor
...sees a colourless minister flog Mrs May’s Brexit ‘bribe’
Bit of a ‘pass the powder puff’ morning for Communities Secretary James Brokenshire yesterday. Channel-to-channel he appeared, loyally flogging the Government’s Stronger towns Fund, a £1.6billion sweetener in no way designed to bribe Labour MPs into voting for the Prime Minister’s Brexit deal. Goodness no. Perish the thought.
BBC one minute. Sky News the next. Whichever channel you flicked on over the cornflakes, you just couldn’t get away from him. So quick was the minister between the cameras the make-up dollies could barely have had enough to time to touch up his slap.
Unfortunately it takes more than a few coats of Max Factor to inject a bit of colour into this one-time international legal eagle. Media dynamite Brokenshire is not. At times he sounds as though he’s reading straight from a script barely dry off the CCHQ printer.
Good Morning Britain host Piers Morgan previously decried him for being ‘ unbelievably boring’. Judging by rascally Piers’s dismissive behaviour yesterday when Brokenshire came on there was no reason to believe that view had radically altered.
then it was off the Commons for Housing Questions. We had him for a whole hour, lucky us.
Shadow minister Andrew Gwynne (Denton & Reddish), a nasal Mancunian with an unsatisfactory beard and a well-rehearsed line in faux outrage, was unimpressed by Mr Brokenshire’s proposals, pointing to ‘nine years of slash and burn’ by the Government’s austerity measures.
Groans all around. it was that kind of session, i’m afraid.
that the chamber was barely a third full suggested this was not expected to be an electric start to the week. Vacant stares everywhere. Mutton-chopped Desmond Swayne (New Forest West) chewed his fingers languidly. Labour’s Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield) blew exasperated raspberries.
After 45 minutes of dreariness, Labour’s Mohammad yasin (Bedford) made a mad dash for it. Not so fast, yelled the Speaker, just as the exit was within his grasp.
Mr Bercow accused Mr yasin of being disrespectful to the ministers answering the questions and ordered him back to his seat. So close! Like a Wormwood Scrubs lag who’d scaled the outer wall only to be tasered as he reached the perimeter.
Housing and Communities is admittedly not the most thrilling brief. But contrast Mr Brokenshire’s dusty, lawyerly manner with that of his deputy Kit Malt- house. the former deputy London mayor – he was Boris’s brain/ nanny in City Hall – at least injects enthusiasm into proceedings.
APoRtLy, jestful figure, he oozes Bunterish bonhomie. When he addresses the House, he stands with elbows leant against the dispatch box, shirt buttons straining at the navel, like a seasoned raconteur holding court in the wee hours of a club bar. Surely a promotion is overdue. Later, transport Secretary Chris Grayling failed to turn up to answer an urgent question on the £33million paid to Eurotunnel over the no-deal ferry fiasco.
tiggerish Health Secretary Matt Hancock donned the flak jacket in his stead. opposition members were furious at the no-show. Mr Grayling’s reasons for lying doggo were never properly explained.
A spokesman suggested he was working in the ministry. Highly unsatisfactory. Perhaps he was sulking over a particularly unflattering profile in yesterday’s New york times.
Labour transport spokesman Andy McDonald (Middlesbrough) declared Mr Grayling ‘an international embarrassment’ and the Prime Minister should sack him.
Mr Grayling’s colleague, creaky Ken Clarke (Rushcliffe), announced it ‘surprising’ to see the Health Secretary answering. theresa May’s former deputy Damian Green (Ashford) chortled gamely. the transport Secretary remained in post last night. though he may wish to reflect that when even your own team are lampooning you, it’s possible the game is up.