Two billion reasons why I’m flat broke!

I’d really adore to be rich And drink fine champagne every day, And stay in all first-class hotels Or a penthouse with views of the bay. I’d really adore to be rich And eat caviar with the gents, And dine at the Connaught each night, Collect thousands in property rents. I’d really adore to be rich And moor a large yacht out in Cannes, Play poker for thousands of chips And wear a perpetual tan. I’d really adore to be rich And sit on the board of a bank, Have millions of goldplated shares And sign all my cheques with a blank. I’d really adore to be rich, Have my clothes made bespoke in the Row, Have a stable of fine vintage cars And a Patek Philippe just for show. But sadly this never will be; I’m not in that goldplated league, My valet’s gone off with the cook And my Rolls has got metal fatigue. My mansion now needs a new roof And my Lear jet has crashed in the sea, My butler has left for the States And the maid wants to get a degree. The horses are not racing well And the stables are in disrepair, My oil shares depend on Iran And my safe full of diamonds is bare. The tiara my wife wears has gone, The state bedrooms are looking quite tired, The ballroom’s rare frieze has got damp And the footmen have asked to be fired. My chauffeur has gambled his shares And told me the Bentleys are old, He’s just lost his licence through drink And his uniform’s had to be sold. So now I’m just heading for broke, I’m left with a billion or two, I’ve sold off the island in Spain, And worse, I’ve come down with the flu!