LITTLEJOHN

HERE’S one of life’s mysteries. Why is Project Fear still bothering? They’ve won. The game’s over. Brexit, in any meaningful sense, is dead as a door nail. Yet they keep on pumping out scare stories. The Chief Constable of Hertfordshire was at it yesterday, warning that his men were on standby to deal with any riots which might arise because of No Deal, or No Brexit, or whatever. As someone who lives on North London’s border with Hertfordshire, I somehow don’t see mass rioting breaking out on the streets of Potters Bar. Not until after the pubs shut, anyway. Welwyn Garden City is hardly a walk on the wild side. I can’t imagine anyone lobbing Molotov cocktails through the windows of John Lewis in protest at the extension of Article 50. Still, as far as Project Fear is concerned, the facts should never get in the way of a good scare story. One TV channel went even further, warning that the Army had been put on alert. This ‘news’ was accompanied by library footage of soldiers marching in Downing Street. All you can do to stay sane is laugh out loud. The daftest scare yet was the idea Eurostar passengers will have their ham sandwiches, pork pies and cheddar cheese rolls confiscated by customs officers before they travel through the Channel Tunnel. At gunpoint, presumably. This ‘story’ was delivered in all seriousness by TV reporters standing on the concourse at St Pancras. Do you honestly think French TV reporters are lining up at the Gare du Nord to warn that all baguettes jambon and rillettes will have to be surrendered unless President Macron softens his approach to Brexit? I can only assume that so many scare stories have been launched that Project Fear has lost radio contact with some of its agents. Like Japanese kamikaze pilots, they’re running out of fuel and they’re coming down to earth regardless, Brexit or No Brexit. Hide the ham sarnies!