Is it just ME?

Or have cats always been as clever as dogs?

WHY did it take them so long? Of course cats are as intelligent as dogs, dolphins and parrots.

In my experience they understand human cues better than many people.

They know minutes before a storm breaks or an Amazon delivery arrives, racing under the bed to avoid unnecessary confrontation. Amazingly it’s only just been proved.

Thanks to new Japanese research into human-cat relationships, we have proof our domestic felines understand fluent human, and can distinguish their names from similar words.

Dogs are so skilled at understanding language they can understand up to 1,000 words, but snooty cats know better than to waste time on anything not food or sleep-related. They are total narcissists with triggersharp hearing.

My two ageing lady cats will come down and look at me balefully when I try to book a vet’s appointment in I can spend hours singing out my cats’ names into the garden — it’s worse than being ghosted by a lover their name over the phone. They know from my tones that an outrage is about to be perpetrated.

Cat fanciers have long known their charges are experts in recognising gestural, facial and verbal tics.

But it doesn’t mean they heed them. It’s a one-sided passive aggressive relationship: I can spend hours singing out my girls’ names into an empty garden. It’s worse than being ghosted by a lover. Finally they disdainfully acknowledge my presence to shut me up.

What is so fascinating about this research is how important it is to give your puss a dignified name. Imagine having to listen to your owner yelling FrouFrou 20 times a day.

And don’t get me started on pets with the family surname. ‘Tiger Thompson, please,’ says the vet. And a tiny man with a huge ginger cat stands up apologetically. No wonder Tiger looks fit to kill.