Give it 20 years — he won’t notice

DOM SAYS:

This is all rather sweet. it’s true that in this day and age, society seems to consider looks the be all and end all, but anyone with any sense knows that’s just nonsense.

Deep down you must recognise it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but you seem to have lost sight of that.

The first thing i’d like to remind you of is that we all have days when we look in the mirror and think ‘Urgh’. But most of us also have an occasional ‘Wahey!’ days, too. And i do wish you could enjoy a few more of those.

Perhaps the way to do it is to try to see yourself as he sees you. Which is to say, to see all of you — all the way past the outside. Your boyfriend probably sees your kindness and your generosity, the fact you’re funny and loving, or whatever your

real qualities are. All of the things you seem determined not to see.

But humans are also visual creatures, so maybe he is also transfixed by the nape of your neck or the curve of your smile. For me, it’s the shape of steph’s hands. Every so often i find i still can’t get over how lovely they are.

But i say ‘ every so often’, because here is the truth of love: after a while, you simply stop seeing the outside.

it’s a cliche that men don’t notice when their wife has had her hair done or whatever, but that’s because we don’t.

Once the first flush has passed, we stop seeing the superficial look that drew us in in the first place, because what we see is simply the woman we love. After 20 years you really do just see the person.

Maybe your boyfriend is already there. But i doubt it as you’ve only been together three months. so, if you must dwell on the superficial, then think about that. Remember he has chosen you, so therefore it follows that he must find you attractive.

And, he’s in his mid-40s, so he has probably learned by now that stunning facades can hide ugly truths. Boy oh boy have i met some nasty, mean and downright dull, so- called beauties in my time.

People of all different types of appearances find love, because love is about more than just the surface. Buck up your courage — there really is no need to feel so despondent in the face of happiness.

One final thing: if you think he’s so handsome, my advice is to enjoy it now. Because if all goes well and you fall in love with him, believe me, you’ll stop seeing it soon enough.