Ephraim Hardcastle

FAILING to fathom why President Trump didn’t avail of the traditional Mall carriage procession, the Queen asked him. Waving at his Secret Service detail, he replied: ‘These guys wouldn’t wear it’. One Trump bodyguard expressed astonishment at the Queen’s Trooping the Colour ceremony on Saturday, travelling in an open carriage cheered by thousands of people without security clearance. And then her appearance on the Palace balcony with her entire family sans a single bullet-proof screen. Unbelievable! PRESIDENT Trump failed to recognise a pewter horse as the one he’d presented to the Queen last summer. He shouldn’t be too red-faced. George Bush Snr once admired a silver dish on a Buckingham Palace sideboard and asked what it was for. The Queen answered: ‘I was hoping you could tell me. You gave it to me.’ EVIDENCE of the BBC’s distaste for Mr Trump was manifest in Monday night’s local London TV news. The main story featured the inflatable baby and a jumbo robot of the President sitting on a gold throne – a lavatory. Classy! ONLY Ivanka, pictured, and husband Jared from the Trump family got to sit next to royals at the Queen’s banquet – with Donald Jnr cheek by jowl with JCB’s Lady Bamford. Does Don know anything about mechanical diggers? PRINCE Charles rarely shares the olive oil served to him instead of butter at his mother’s state knees-ups. But he did so with Melania Trump. Camilla, look out! PRESIDENT Trump, asked whether he wanted to go to the loo before the event, shooed away the aide who made the suggestion in earshot of the monarch. ALTHOUGH the Trumps weren’t staying at the Palace, a suite of rooms and royal staff (including the Queen’s equerry and a lady-in-waiting) were available to ‘freshen up’. KUWAITI ambassador Khaled Al-Duwaisan might not be asked back. He arrived after the Queen. Not very diplomatic. THE Queen and Mr Trump weren’t the only non-drinkers. Neither Princess Anne nor Prince Andrew sampled the Lafite 1990 (£1,400 a bottle in the shops) and all four stuck to water for the toast. MR TRUMP’S Secret Service detail was pleasantly surprised to be fed from the banquet menu. Over at Winfield House they have been living on platters of sandwiches and pizzas. AND finally, a special red velvet cushion was ready on Charles’s chair to help ease his back pain.