Ephraim Hardcastle

MEGHAN’S honorary maid of honour Jessica Mulroney posts a picture online of herself gambling in Las Vegas, asking her followers, without a trace of irony: ‘What’s your best Vegas story?’ Any chance of Meghan regaling her with Harry’s 2012 barebummed bachelor boy excitement when he played strip billiards with bikini-clad women in a Vegas suite? HARRY sends Meghan birthday best wishes via the Sussex Royal Instagram account. Isn’t it a tad selective? It marked the birthdays of the Queen and Prince Philip but not those of Camilla, William or any of the three Cambridge children. Canada Day was celebrated, but nothing for the American-born duchess’s Fourth of July. Perhaps only Commonwealth countries will be honoured with Sussex Instagram posts? There are 53 countries, so Harry and Meghan should start tapping pronto. BBC cricket correspondent Jonathan Agnew regrets promising to eat fellow pundit Geoffrey Boycott’s hat over a disputed umpiring decision. Live on Test Match Special, Boycott challenged Agnew to start chomping on his straw hat. Agnew had a nibble before Boycott snatched the hat away. Did the thrifty Yorkshireman fear having to buy a replacement? DAME Vera Lynn, pictured in her prime, says she still entertains pals to dinner and hums along to her wartime hits. But she has given up champagne, explaining: ‘The one thing I miss is a glass of bubbly, but that had to go.’ Maybe she’ll enjoy a flute on her 103rd birthday in March? JOHN Cleese says stem-cell therapy keeps him young but he’s also chasing springtime with a hair transplant, admitting: ‘I’ve had my locks redistributed a bit. I’ve got a very strange-shaped head. It’s very pointy.’ Enough to give the trichologist vertigo? HISTORIAN Niall Ferguson, reviewing a biography of the late Richard Holbrooke, describes the US diplomat introducing himself in New York and apologising for freely lifting material, without acknowledgement, from Ferguson’s tome Virtual History. It’s not all about you Niall! ONCE Upon a Time in… Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino is accused by the late Chinese martial arts icon Bruce Lee’s widow Linda of depicting him as ‘insultingly Chinesey’, while daughter Shannon lambasts him for portraying her dad as a buffoon. For Quentin’s sake, I hope the Lee ladies aren’t up to scratch in the kung fu department. DONALD Trump’s friend the perma-tanned smoothie George Hamilton reflects on the US President’s curious permanent orange complexion, concluding: ‘I think he slops bronzer on and hopes it’ll last till the evening – easy to put on, probably a spray tan: less fussy and camera-ready.’ You should know George.