This is every woman’s nightmare

ThIS may seem the stuff of hollywood movies, but it’s a common scenario — and every married woman’s nightmare. This is something many, many women are scared of, and my heart goes out to you.

You must be feeling truly terrible. You are right in the middle of a storm of grief.

You are bereft and all at sea, and it is important to point out that, just because this is where your thoughts are right now, it doesn’t mean that you are correct.

You have absolutely no proof he has cheated. What you have is a mind in great, great distress.

I think the first thing you should do is talk to a grief counsellor. They will have experience of this and know how to steer you through this dreadful time.

My fear for you is that, at the moment, you will be roaming back over your marriage, picking holes in everything — and that is truly tragic.

I wonder if, subconsciously, this is a way for you to keep your husband with you.

You may be furious at him, but you’re furious at him now, in the present. he’s with you right now, not in your memory.

I’m not suggesting this is something you are doing deliberately, but our minds are mysterious places, and I wonder if yours is compounding your grief right now.

It is, of course, equally possible that he did have an affair. he may well have been playing away all those years. Just as you have no way of proving he is guilty, neither can you know for a fact he is not.

So, if I were you, I would try very hard not to torture myself with the thought that he may have been unfaithful in the past.

I would tell myself that if — if — that were the case, then he still came home to you. he chose to be with you, and you were the one he built a life with. You were the one he loved.

and then I would do my very best to leave it there. Your anger is not your fault, but it is corrosive. Consider how you might let it go. Burn the bills if you think that will help. have a good shout and a good cry. Try to find your peace. I’m assuming you were happy together and, if so, I think it would be tragic if you were to lose your fond memories of the love of your life.

don’t let that happen.