Don’t just press my buttons, talk to me!

I’m getting ready for the fray, I need to phone my bank today. My local branch closed down in June, I can’t see another opening any time soon. I’m sporting new batteries in my hearing aids, I’ve all my personal details in case my memory fades. I have my banking card and new ballpoint pen. I check the time — it’s a quarter to ten. Shakily I pick up the phone. Oh good, I can hear a dialling tone! I punch in the numbers, the call goes through, Then a robot tells me what to do. I hear a list of various choices Press 1 (no option for human voices), Press 2, press 3. How many more? Have I heard that choice before? Now press the hash key to hear them all again, But the option I want isn’t there, it’s insane! Apparently, my call is important. Do I hear a ring? No, it’s Stravinsky playing The Rite Of Spring! My hubby brings in toast and tea. He says, ‘No luck?’ and pats me tenderly. ‘Hang on in there,’ he says, backing away. This call is wasting all my day. Then for no reason the line goes dead. I know it can’t be something I’ve said! I sip some cold tea and seethe inside, These impersonal calls I just can’t abide. I don’t want to hear a droid on the phone. I want to talk to a person of flesh and bone. I don’t want to select choices or do as I’m told. And if this is the future . . . I’m glad that I’m old! Mrs Anita Bass, Theydon Bois, Essex.

Follow-up

A COUPLE of years ago I sent a letter to the editor of a rather serious daily newspaper, the last sentence of which included the word ‘total’. Having omitted to check it before sending, I was both amused and mortified to find this word altered to ‘totes’!

Fiona Crawford, York.

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Loch Ness water has revealed = What searchers solve; eel DNA! Julian Lofts, Auckland, New Zealand.