Mother of God! It’s Dick of Dock Green
MeT Commissioner Cressida Dick has lambasted the modern breed of police dramas for being too far-fetched. Dick of Dock Green criticised hit series Bodyguard and Line Of Duty, both created by Jed Mercurio.
She said she had to switch off Bodyguard after about 20 minutes. ‘The moment when the Home Secretary made a pass at the protection officer was just beyond me, I’m afraid.’
It drove everyone at Scotland Yard ‘ round the bend’, apparently.
Frankly, I can’t say I blame Cressida. I wish I’d had the good sense to switch off after 20 minutes, instead of sticking with Bodyguard to the bitter end. That’s six hours of my life I’m never going to get back.
Mind you, the ludicrous, laughout-loud scene in which Richard Madden was strapped into a suicide belt in a London garden en square was one of the funniest things ngs I’d seen in years.
As I wrote at the time, it was right ght up there with that wonderful episode of Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’em at the holiday camp, where Frank Spencer’s ‘Vesuvius’ fireworks backpack went off by accident.
‘ Don’t shoot. I’ll pay for any damage.’
Commissioner Dick’s main complaint was about Line Of Duty, which follows the adventures of a police anti-corruption squad, AC-12.
She said she decided to check out the show after meeting one of the stars, Vicky McClure, who plays Detective Inspector Kate Fleming.
‘I thought she was quite interesting and so I thought: “I’d better watch a bit of this.” But I was absolutely outraged by the level of casual and extreme corruption that was being portrayed as the way the police is in 2018-19.
‘It’s so far from that. The standards and the professionalism are so high.’
HOW does she square that statement with her recent appointment of the Met’s new £150,000-a-year head of professional standards, Matthew Horne?
Last year, he was found guilty of three counts of bullying colleagues while he was Deputy Chief Constable of essex.
In one incident, he pushed a Chief Superintendent into a desk during a ‘ professional disagreement’. In another bust- up, Horne — described as ‘aggressive and domineering’ — clenched his fists and repeatedly swore at a colleague.
Sounds like a senior officer from central casting in Line Of Duty.
Despite three counts of misconduct being upheld against him, Horne has been allowed to rejoin the Met as Deputy Assistant Commissioner (DAC) for Professionalism. In that capacity, he will oversee publication of the report into the conduct of those senior officers involved in the discredited Paedos In High Places investigation, aka Operation Midland.
You’ll probably need no reminding that this was the deranged witch-hunt which ruined the lives and reputations of blameless public figures, including war hero Lord Bramall and former Home Secretary Leon Brittan. The entire investigation was founded on false allegations made by a fantasist known as ‘Nick’, real name Carl Beech, egged on by Labour’s deputy leader Tom Watson.
Beech has since been jailed for 18 years for perverting justice and a string of other offences.
But none of the senior officers involved has taken responsibility for their part in this disgraceful episode. Nor has Watson.
They include then Commissioner Bernard Hyphen-Howe, Assistant Commissioner Pat Gallan, and Deputy Assistant Commissioner Steve Rodhouse. Most of them have either retired, been promoted or, in the case of Hyphen-Howe, given a seat in the House of Lords, where he is now pursuing a career as a truth-seeking TV presenter.
The truth about Operation Midland has still to come out.
Surely it would have been a better idea to have handed the whole inquiry into what went wrong over to Line Of Duty’s Superintendent Ted Hastings and his AC-12 team — DI Kate Fleming and Detective Sergeant Steve Arnott, played by Martin Compston.
IN THE AC-12 briefing room, Supt Hastings is addressing his troops...
‘OK, pay attention. This is our most difficult assignment so far. Catching the Balaclava Man was as easy as floating up the Langan on a lilo compared to cracking the culture of cover-up at Scotland Yard.
‘Rooting out the bad guys won’t be easy.
‘Ali Dizaei, the most spectacularly bent copper in the history of the Yard, was able to hide in plain sight for years.
‘Mother of God, he was even tipped as a future commissioner.
‘But we will do our duty to the letter of the law. The letter!
‘We all know the Yard leaks like a colander, so security in this department must be tighter than an altar boy’s skimpies. Do I make myself my Waterford Crystal? Go Good. Here’s what we’re loo looking at. The Met blew millions mil of pounds making the lives of decent, Godfearing fear men a misery. They ransacked ran the homes of a number num of prominent public pub figures, including a 90-year-old 90-y war hero. ‘They ‘Th set up a full- scale murder mur inquiry without any evidence evid that anyone had actually actu been murdered. Our job is to root out the guilty guil men and women. What Wha have we got, Steve?’ ‘ The These are the prime susp suspects, boss. Bernard Hyp Hyphen- Howe. Former comm commissioner. now a Lord, for heaven’s h sake. could he be H? H Then there’s, Deputy assis assistant commissioner Steve rodhouse, known as Plod Plodhouse. now a big chee cheese at the national crime agency. ‘ exsione ex- assistant commissioner Pat Gallan — Fat Pat. retired. Detective S Superintendent i Kenny McDonald, also retired.’ ‘Is there no one left, or have they all either been promoted or are now drawing their pension? Catching criminals is hard enough, but catching coppers — God, give me strength. What have you got, Kate?’ ‘i’ve read the files, Sir. From the outset they said that the allegations made by nick, who we now know is the fantasist carl Beech, were credible and true. What were they thinking?’ ‘They were determined to make up for their failure to apprehend Jimmy Savile. So corners were cut, liars were believed. Rules were broken. They even misled a judge to obtain a search warrant.’ ‘Where’s Savile now, guv?’ ‘He’s still dead, Steve.’ ‘aren’t we forgetting, Sir, that at one stage the Yard seemed to be taking its marching orders from Tom Watson. Surely he’s got to be in the frame?’ ‘He’s certainly lost a lot of timber lately. Definite sign of guilt, if you ask me.
‘Right, to recap. We’ve got our work cut out before we can go to the DPP at the CPS.
‘We’re looking at BH-H, who could be H. A former Met DAC, now running the NCA; an AC and a DS, both of whom retired before the solids hit the proverbial; and an NFG.’ ‘nFG, sir?’ ‘Nonce Finder General, fella.’ ‘There’s one other person we haven’t considered.’ ‘Who’s that, Kate?’ ‘The current commissioner, Sir. Dame cressida Dick. She’s always denied being involved, but we’ve now discovered that she was the ac in charge of Dac Plodhouse when Midland was set up and the Yard announced that nick’s allegations were credible and true.’ ‘Mother of God! So, you’re saying that Dick of Dock Green might be H? Now we’re sucking diesel!’