Say yes — but I’d insist on a pre-nup
DOM SAYS:
WeLL, congratulations to you for having found someone new. It’s always lovely to hear about people finding love when perhaps, at their age, they might not have expected to.
You weren’t looking for such a committed relationship, but here it is, and with such a wonderful- sounding man, too. What a shame it’s all become so stressful.
However, I understand the principle of once-bitten, twiceshy, I really do. As a child, I witnessed my parents’ nasty separation, and lived with the carnage left behind.
As a younger man I wasn’t keen on marriage at all because of it. A bad end to a relationship, complete with all the financial woe you describe, often leaves deep wounds, and it’s hard to get past that.
While your heart says yes, your head quite sensibly puts on the brakes, and in the small hours of the morning, your thoughts go round and round to the point of exhaustion. You’re terrified of being so badly hurt again and of losing yet more of your hardearned money. Why on earth would you risk it? I get that.
The trouble is, you’ve left him dangling. Men aren’t stupid. He won’t mind that you’ve taken time to think about it, but the longer you leave it, the more offence you’re likely to cause.
The fact you didn’t jump into his arms shouting ‘ Yes!’ the moment he got down on bended knee will have given him a big clue as to your feelings. But now you need to fully explain yourself, as soon as possible.
Sit him down and explain why you’re so scared. If he’s a remotely kind and loving man, he’ll understand.
In your late 50s, do you really need to formalise your relationship with a ring on your finger and a piece of paper?
In this day and age, the realistic answer is no. If he wants a big party with all your friends, you could suggest some sort of ceremony that isn’t legally or financially binding, but functions as a public declaration of love.
Or, if that’s not good enough and he does want the legal bits, how about both signing a prenuptial agreement; not very romantic, but drawn up wisely and carefully, it should allay any of your money fears.
The point is, you love this man. And the fact your friends think you’re insane for not saying yes is, oddly enough, a positive sign. They must think he’s a catch.
I can’t tell you whether you’ll live happily ever after with him, but I do know that if you really love him, you should negotiate a solution. Do it quickly, and don’t lose him!