I ‘FORGOT’ TO TELL GRAN WE HAD THE QUEEN MUM FOR LUNCH...

When my grandmother became a widow in her 70s, I moved her into a flat in the grounds of my house Woodside.

I could drop in to see her whenever I wanted, but I could also keep the madness of my life away from her, protect her from all the excess and stupidity.

In 1976, she was weeding her borders when the Queen Mother came to Woodside for lunch.

I’d met her at the home of [film-maker] Bryan Forbes and we’d got on well — I’d been invited to the Royal Lodge in Windsor for dinner. In fact, the Queen Mother was really good fun.

After the meal, she’d insisted that we dance to her favourite record, which turned out to be an old Irish drinking song called Slattery’s Mounted Fut: I think Val Doonican recorded a version.

So, having enjoyed the surreal experience of dancing with the Queen Mum to an Irish drinking song, there seemed no harm in inviting her to lunch.

And when she accepted, I decided it would be hilarious not to tell my grandmother in advance. I just called her over: ‘Come here, Gran — there’s someone who wants to meet you.’ Unfortunately, my grandmother didn’t see the funny side of it. All hell broke loose when the Queen Mother left.

‘how could you do that to me? Standing there talking to the Queen Mum in my bleedin’ wellies and gardening gloves! I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! Don’t ever do that to me again!’