Hardcastle Ephraim
PRINCE William and other senior royals, keen to visit the floods, have been stymied by the politicising of the disaster by Boris, Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson. The Royals fear being dragged into a political event rather than supporting victims. Five years ago, Prince Charles turned up in his waders in Somerset, describing the lack of official help as a ‘tragedy’. It prompted PM David Cameron to don his wellies and see for himself.
Apropos of flooding, when Worcestershire was devastated in 2000, Buckingham Palace contacted PM Tony Blair to coordinate a Royal visit and was told it might hinder relief operations. Blair was on TV the next day visiting the floods, prompting one courtier to remark: ‘Surprisingly, he was getting his feet wet rather than just walking on the water.’
BORIS’S election video tribute to the Rolling Stones is more restrained than his student recollections of first hearing 1981’s Start Me Up. ‘Something in my endocrine system gave a squirt and pow,’ he remembers. ‘I could feel myself being transformed from this shy, spotty, swotty nerd who had spent the past hour trying to maintain a conversation with the poor young woman who was sitting next to me… it was pure Jekyll and Hyde.’ Steady PM!
DISAPPROVING of Harry and Meghan’s festive plans, Princess Diana’s former chef Darren McGrady tweets: ‘I always admired Diana’s respect for the Queen at Christmas. Insisting Wills and Harry went to Sandringham, even though it was her time with the boys and she would be alone.’
TROUSERING thousands for an Irish business breakfast spout yesterday, ex-Squeaker John Bercow derides Boris Johnson’s Brexit promise as being ‘for the birds’. He’s clearly forgotten Winston Churchill’s words: ‘I have no patience with Englishmen who use the hospitality of a friendly nation to decry their own.’
GUESTING on ITV’s Loose Women, Germaine Greer, pictured, says: ‘I know I got a reputation. And I’ve still got it. I’m either a lesbian or a nymphomaniac, or both!’ Make your mind up, dear.
MATT Damon, reminded by BBC interviewer Colin Paterson that his rejection of a 10 per cent share in James Cameron’s massive hit Avatar cost him a quarter of a billion dollars, remarks: ‘I do like the fact that I’m allowed to say I’m the dumbest actor of all time.’
CHRISTIAN Bale confesses to wondering what former US vice president Dick Cheney thought of his negative portrayal in the 2018 film Vice. A family friend told Bale she’d met Cheney at a party, where he snapped sweetly: ‘Tell him he’s a d*ck.’ Now you know, Christian.
PLANNING its festive gift catalogue, Royal Collection staff had a brainstorming session, with one wag proposing a white leather toilet seat identical to one Princess Anne gave Prince Charles as a novelty Christmas present. Alas, no one was willing to put their head above the parapet and clear it with Clarence House. The only throne Charles craves is currently occupied.