Own your decision and move on!

STEPH SAYS:

FIRST, I’d like to applaud your bravery and courage. It takes real guts to look yourself in the eye and admit you are unhappy, and even more to tell your husband you want a divorce.

And I’m so very sorry you’re finding it difficult to negotiate your way through. But I think you need to be prepared for the fact that everything is different after a divorce. everything.

None of us operates in a vacuum. We are all influenced by friends and surroundings. Think about it like this: when someone goes on holiday to a new place or buys a new car, doesn’t it always seem that a while later everyone’s suddenly going to that hotel, or driving the exact same model?

That’s how trends are formed — and why some people worry that divorce is catching. It’s obviously not, but it can make you examine your own relationship in a negative way.

Be honest, are all your friends happily married? When you decided you were so dissatisfied with your life that you were going to end your marriage, are you sure no one influenced you?

Did you not look at Linda down the road, in her nice, clean, quiet house, post-divorce, and think the grass looked greener?

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m trying to explain why friends might be avoiding you. It may be your divorce has made them think of their own marriages in a way they’d rather not.

It’s also possible you have been — unintentionally — emotionally dumping on everyone. While understandable, it’s exhausting. you need — and deserve — support, but have you become too emotionally demanding?

Are you the person who calls at 9pm, three glasses of wine in, for a rant just as the other person is settling in front of the Tv, or with a book or their partner?

Again, I am not being unsympathetic — I understand exactly what you are trying to cope with — but we all have a limited amount of time and emotional energy, so examine if you have been draining other people.

Can you be sure your friends’ withdrawal has nothing to do with your behaviour?

If so, that’s fine. But if you feel like you might have been a little bit hard to live with, then I believe you should acknowledge that openly with your friends.

Write a letter, send a card or call, make your apology, explain your behaviour, ask them to forgive you and then move on.

you chose them as friends, but they have to choose you back. you can’t make them play if they don’t want to, so make your sandpit more attractive, then they might want to share it with you.

you are now living a new life, the one you chose, so instead of expecting everyone else to adjust to it, create a new set of people, no pre-conceived judgments or loyalty struggles.

It is time to stand proud, own your decision and move on. There is a new life waiting for you, go and enjoy it!