They’re threatened by your single status

DOM SAYS:

I’m very sorry to hear about your dilemma — and the breakup of your marriage. It’s always very sad when a marriage ends, particularly one like yours which lasted for such a long time.

you have written to us to find out how you can win back your friends. Well, I think there’s a very simple answer to this in that I’m afraid you can’t.

Friendships are not the same as romantic relationships. If you were asking for tips as to how to woo your ex-husband, or how to heal a rift with family, then there would be a whole panoply of techniques I would urge you to try. But friends are different.

you can’t expect your friends to put you first, in the way you might expect your family and husband to. Well, you can expect them to, but you will likely be disappointed.

And that’s what’s happening here. you are expecting them to put your desire to be included, and not feel insecure, over their desire to feel secure. Because at its heart this isn’t about you, it’s about your status. you are no longer a married woman, you are now a single woman. And I’m sorry to say that, socially, there is a major difference.

Think back to the parties and dinners you used to attend with your husband. Who was there? Who is still there in the pictures on Facebook that upset you so much? Other couples.

There’s a simple reason for that. married women don’t want a single woman floating around a party for fear of losing their husbands! And who controls the social diary in a relationship?

Who does the majority of the inviting to lunch, drinks or dinner? Nine times out of ten in a couple, it’s the woman.

I know you’re shocked that female friends are turning their backs on you, and I’m sorry you’re hurt, but do please try to see that it isn’t personal.

They haven’t chosen your exhusband because they prefer him to you, they’ve simply chosen not to have a single woman, back in the world of dating and mating, wafting about a party full of men who’ve been married for 20-odd years.

The solution, well, I think you’ll find that if you get yourself a boyfriend, you’ll be welcomed back with open arms.

Too shallow? Then accept that this is about their husbands, forget about the couples’ parties and organise a girls’ night out.