He had a good body in Elton’s video … but that was thirty years ago, darling!
Can you guess who came up with these witty, waspish and wacky comments in our bumper quotes quiz of the year?
THIS year saw a string of colourful comments by the great and good. Author PAUL DONNELLEY rounds up the most shocking and hilarious remarks of 2019. So who said what? 1 ‘It looks like my local Morrison’s.’ Whose £20 million mansion was thus described?
A: Music impresario Simon Cowell B: Tesco chief executive Dave Lewis C: Footballer Wayne Rooney D: Reality TV star Lauren Goodger 2 Of whom did The Crown writer Peter Morgan say: ‘[They] look like they could be at a bus stop in Carlisle’?
A: The Queen B: Prince William C: Princess Anne D: Prince Edward 3 ‘I don’t want to be the poster girl for geriatric sex.’
A: Dame Judi Dench B: Tory peer Virginia Bottomley C: Bake-Off star Prue Leith D: Broadcaster Janet Street-Porter 4 ‘He had a good body when he was in Elton John’s I’m Still Standing video, but that was 30 years ago, darling.’
A: Julian Clary on Lionel Blair B: Amanda Holden on Les Dennis C: Cat Deeley on Nigel Lythgoe D: Craig Revel Horwood on fellow Strictly judge Bruno Tonioli 5 ‘We’re told to sit down and be quiet, which is not something I’m OK with.’
A: Actress Emma Watson B: Tennis star Serena Williams C: Labour’s Diane Abbott D: Feminist Caroline Criado-Perez 6 ‘This immigrants’ daughter needs no lectures from the metropolitan liberal elite.’
A: Former Spice Girl Mel B B: Home Secretary Priti Patel C: Great British Menu Judge Andi Oliver D: Singer Rita Ora 7 ‘I’m 73. What’s your gran doing tonight?’
A: Pop star Cher B: Singer Dolly Parton C: Actress Joanna Lumley D: Singer Liza Minnelli 8 ‘I don’t want to look like Nigel Lawson (right) . . . when he went on a really serious diet his face collapsed.’
A: Singer Adele B: Author Mary Beard C: Lizzo, singer and ‘body positivity’ guru D: Woman’s Hour presenter Jenni Murray 9 ‘As Lord President of the Council, I am entitled to the privilege of beheading.’
A: Prince Andrew B: Michael Gove MP C: John Bercow, former Commons Speaker D: Jacob Rees-Mogg MP 10 ‘If you have daughters, teach them how to code.’
A: Countdown presenter Rachel Riley B: Newsnight’s Emily Maitlis C: Author Jeanette Winterson D: Supermodel Kate Moss 11 ‘I have to be the richest man ever made bankrupt.’
A: Convicted Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff B: Sacked Boeing boss Dennis Muilenburg C: James Stunt, ex-husband of
Petra Ecclestone D: Ex-entertainer Rolf Harris 12 Which breakfast TV host said they would not want ‘spiders, flies and Phillip Schofield’ (below) to enter their house?
A: Piers Morgan B: Holly Willoughby C: Amanda Holden D: Dan Walker 13 Who responded when asked by a fan to pose for a photo: ‘What? To commemorate the fact we met four seconds ago?’
A: Biologist Richard Dawkins B: Pop star Justin Bieber C: Broadcaster Melvyn Bragg D: Ex-Python John Cleese 14 ‘When I walk down a street, someone shouts: “Hey, Mr Preview.” Every single time.’
A: Chef Gordon Ramsay B: TV presenter Declan Donnelly C: Conductor Sir Andre Previn D: Street artist Banksy 15 On the repairs at Westminster: ‘Move everyone out. Clear every building within half a mile. Then explode the lot.’ A: SNP leader
Nicola Sturgeon B: Author Philip
Pullman C: Labour spin doctor
Seumas Milne D: Actor Hugh Grant 16 ‘I don’t know why anyone would want the job.’
A: Daniel Craig on the next Bond B: The Queen to Boris Johnson
on becoming PM C: David Dimbleby on hearing that Huw Edwards would host the BBC’s election coverage D: Prince Harry on his brother
William becoming king 17 ‘Every crime must have its punishment. The liberal idea has become obsolete.’
A: Russia’s Vladimir Putin B: Labour’s John McDonnell C: Mail on Sunday columnist
Peter Hitchens D: Former Donald Trump
strategist Steve Bannon 18 ‘I’m honoured — and very sweaty.’
A: Cricketer Ben Stokes on his 84
not out against New Zealand B: Prince Philip, on stepping
down from public life C: Eliud Kipchoge, first man to run
a marathon in under two hours D: Karina Canellakis, the first woman to conduct the First Night Of The Proms 19 ‘I leave it to the daytime drinkers who haven’t been able to score a Prozac prescription.’ A: Wine writer Oz Clarke on gin B: Harry Potter star (ex-drinker)
Daniel Radcliffe on vodka C: Restaurateur Russell Norman
on Prosecco D: Actress Dame Maggie Smith on
non-vintage champagne 20 ‘We don’t do conspiracies.’
A: Samuel Shenton, founder of the
Flat Earth Society B: General Sir Mike Jackson on claims the Army covered up Northern Ireland civilian deaths C: Donald Trump on claims he
plotted with Ukraine president D: David Cameron refutes claims
that Russia meddled in Brexit 21 ‘The most important thing about the bloody picture is the woman looks as if she’s already dead.’
A: Theresa May on dancing to
Abba at a Tory conference B: Fleabag star Phoebe WallerBridge on her viral photo clutching an armful of Emmys C: Ex-Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson on her reaction to the Election exit poll D: Critic Germaine Greer on the
Mona Lisa 22 ‘It’s your fault for sending me to a state school under New Labour.’
A: Euan Blair to Tony Blair B: Grace Campbell to Alastair Campbell C: Edward Smith to Iain Duncan Smith D: Will Straw to Jack Straw 23 ‘If I saw my son dressing up like footballers these days, I would drop him off at an adoption agency tomorrow.’ A: David Beckham B: Roy Keane C: Harry Kane D: Diego Maradona 24 ‘It’s like Louis XIV smoked crystal meth and decorated the place.’
A: Ex-White House aide Anthony
Scaramucci on Trump’s style B: London property tycoon
Nick Candy C: Interior designer Nicky
Haslam on his London flat D: A contractor describing the palace of Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan 25 ‘ Super-woke whining by students . . . guilt-tripping the university before going off to work for Goldman Sachs.’
A: Equalities chief Trevor Phillips on Cambridge students demanding the removal of a historic bell B: Writer Brendan O’Neill on
students doing ‘jazz hands’ C: Head of Oxford’s Oriel College Neil Mendoza on calls to remove a statue of Cecil Rhodes D: Patrice Talon, President of Benin, on Cambridge students demanding the return of Jesus College’s Benin bronzes 26 ‘I did try one of those electronic cigarettes, but it was so heavy it kept falling out of my mouth.’ PRINTED AND DISTRIBUTED BY PRESSREADER PressReader.com +1 604 278 4604 . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY ORIGINAL COPY COPYRIGHT AND PROTECTED BY APPLICABLE LAW
A: Cuba’s Raul Castro B: EastEnders star June Brown C: Singer Pete Doherty D: Ex-Tory MP Ken Clarke 27 ‘I’ve started to wear so much leopard-print clothing I may need to take malaria tablets.’ A: Princess Eugenie B: Strictly star Shirley Ballas C: Author Kathy Lette D: Radio One’s Nick Grimshaw 28 ‘Countries only get fined what I’d probably spend on a night out in London.’ A: Cricketer Andrew Flintoff B: Broadcaster and ex-Blue Peter presenter Richard Bacon C: Footballer Danny Rose D: Rugby star Jonny Wilkinson 29 ‘Admitting to being in a sexless marriage feels like a great taboo.’ A: Jeremy Clarkson B: Sarah Ferguson, Duchess
of York C: TV’s Jeremy Kyle D: TV presenter Ulrika Jonsson 30 ‘On way to work at O2 and nobody gave this old bird a seat on the Tube.’ A: Singer Lulu B: Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks C: Olivia Newton- John D: Noel Edmonds 31 ‘A nice cup of Yorkshire tea would be perfect.’
A: Artist David Hockney who
was stuck in a lift for an hour B: Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood
refusing champagne C: Swimmer Ross Edgley on becoming the first person to swim round the UK D: Tory guru Dominic Cummings after the election win 32 ‘I love black cab drivers and their views, mostly because they usually mirror mine’ A: Right-wing firebrand
Katie Hopkins B: TV presenter Judy Finnigan C: Cookery writer Delia Smith D: Actress Dame Joan
Collins (above) 33. ‘My original ambition was to be Alexander the Great.’ A: Foreign Secretary
Dominic Raab B: Ex-Tory MP Rory Stewart
C Sir Jim Ratcliffe, Britain’s
richest man D: Broadcaster Ben Fogle 34 ‘The Left is glutted with clueless white people who think they are the vanguard of our species.’ A: Author Nirpal Dhaliwal B: Author/activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali C: Vogue magazine editor
Edward Enninful D: Chancellor Sajid Javid 35 ‘Social media is more addictive than drugs and alcohol. Yet it’s more dangerous because there are no restrictions.’ A: Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg B: Prince Harry C: PewDiePie, world’s favourite YouTuber D: Sir David Attenborough 36 ‘ My bust isn’t gravitydefying. I have to hoick them up with a bra like everyone else.’ A: Carol Vorderman B: Singer Katy Perry C: Actress Jennifer Aniston
D: Katie Price aka Jordan 37 ‘A man can decide to be female, take hormones, win everything in sight and perhaps earn a small fortune, and then reverse his decision and go back to making babies.’
A: South African runner
Caster Semenya B: Author Jan Morris C: Tennis professional
Martina Navratilova D: Olympic swimmer
Sharron Davies 38 ‘England is too much in its own past.’
A: Labour MP David Lammy B: Downton Abbey creator
Julian Fellowes C: Historian David Starkey D: Germany’s Angela Merkel 39 ‘Vegans are the best lovers.’
A: Smiths singer Morrissey B: Baywatch star
Pamela Anderson C: Ex-U.S. President
Bill Clinton D: Actor Benedict Cumberbatch 40 ‘I’m not being funny but I don’t need the money.’
A: Rebekah Vardy rejects claim by fellow ‘WAG’ Coleen Rooney she sold stories about her B: Ivanka Trump laughs off her
jewellery business collapse C: Billionaire John Caudwell on paying high taxes under a Labour government D: Bill Gates on giving away
most of his fortune 41 ‘We have to live bravely in order to feel truly alive.’
A: Meghan, Duchess of Sussex B: Pop star Taylor Swift C: Archbishop of Canterbury
Justin Welby D: SAS veteran Andy McNab 42 Which tennis star said: ‘I now have a metal hip and I look like I’ve got a bit of a gut.’
A: Andy Murray B: Roger Federer C: Boris Becker D: Tim Henman 43 Which TV news star said ‘You didn’t even bother to shake hands . . . you had wonderful, open and, how can I put this, energetic, athletic relationships with all kinds of people.’
A: Sir Trevor McDonald B: Moira Stuart C: Jeremy Paxman
D: Laura Kuenssberg 44 ‘ Monogamy is a very hard thing.’
A: Reality TV star
Spencer Matthews B: Boris Johnson C: Singer Carly Simon D: Prince Andrew 45 ‘I worship the decency of ordinary people.’
A: BBC reporter John Simpson B: Nigel Farage C: Jacob Rees-Mogg D: Actor Leonardo DiCaprio 46 ‘You have stolen my dreams, with your empty words.’
A: Peppa Pig B: Brooklyn Beckham C: Greta Thunberg D: One Direction’s Liam Payne 47 ‘Enjoying spending a little extra time with the ovens.’
A: TV cook Nigella Lawson B: Bake Off’s Paul Hollywood C: Tory ex-minister
James Brokenshire D: Chef Marco Pierre White 48 ‘He was a rectangle, I was a rectangle and we made a square, which is a fortress.’
A: Bros star Matt Goss on
brother Luke B: TV physicist and ex-pop
star Brian Cox on his father C: Philosopher Alain de Botton
on Umberto Eco D: Russell Brand on ex-R2
colleague Jonathan Ross 49 ‘A chunk of the holiday was spent spraying and combing to evict lice from my noggin.’
A: Robert Peston B: Jeremy Paxman C: Andrew Neil D: Nick Robinson 50 ‘The internet is terrible. We will look back on it like nuclear weapons as something we really wish we hadn’t done.’
A: Labour’s Jeremy Corbyn B: Comedian David Mitchell C: Diplomat Henry Kissinger D: Web inventor Sir Tim
Berners-Lee
Answers:
1: C. 2: A. 3: C. 4: D. 5: B. 6: B. 7: A. 8: D. 9: D. 10: C. 11: C. 12: C. 13: D. 14: C. 15: B. 16: B. 17: A. 18: D. 19: C. 20: B. 21: D. 22: B. 23: B. 24: A. 25: A. 26: B. 27: C. 28: C. 29: D. 30: A. 31: A. 32: D. 33: B. 34: A. 35: B. 36: A. 37: C. 38: B. 39: B. 40: A. 41: B 42: A. 43: B. 44: C. 45: A. 46: C. 47: C. 48: A. 49: A. 50: B.