Panto script lets the cast down

THIS is the tail end of the famous musical duo John Kander and Fred Ebb’s repertoire.

Ebb died before they finished it. The writer of the book, Peter Stone, did as well. Cabaret and Chicago it ain’t. It’s a merry watch, but a day later, you’ll have forgetten it.

It’s the opening night of Robbin Hood, a middling musical. The show’s leading lady has been poisoned and, even worse, the reviews are dreadful.

Curtains is a musical murdermystery: think of a high-kicking Agatha Christie with a feather boa and visible gusset.

But at no point am I even curious as to whodunnit. The various romances and

Full-throttle: Rebecca Lock confusing twists drift past as unnoticed as the ushers trying to flog programmes.

It’s a panto script, with the kind of jokes that are greeted with groan-laughs. At two hours and 45 minutes, I did consider handing myself in as the killer just to hurry things along. Thankfully, the exceptional proficiency of the cast saves it. No matter how pants a script, a brightly lit red curtain, a loud brassy orchestra, cracking voices and a leggy chorus line will just about do it.

Rebecca Lock, as the producer Carmen Bernstein, is in full- throttle musical star mode. She beats the hell out of songs brilliantly and squeezes out laughs the text really doesn’t deserve.

Samuel Holmes, as director Christopher Belling, is dripping in camp. In some scenes he just drifts past, dropping cutting remarks. ‘If one of you is the killer, would you take her next?’, he says when passing a whiney showgirl.

Comedian Jason Manford is the star booking, but is so lowwattage he barely flickers. He can’t really sing, the part isn’t very funny and he has the whiff of someone’s dad just having a go: quite embarrassing when surrounded by high-quality West End all-rounders.