2019 NEWS QUIZ
1 WHAT did Mike Tindall reveal under his top hat at Ascot that made the Queen giggle?
A. A small chocolate top hat B. A half-eaten bacon sarnie C. Zara’s pet attack hamster, Boris the Animal
2 COMPLETE the headline: Woman selling ‘slightly used’ ___________ on Facebook
A. Toyboy B. Breast implants C. Dentures
3 WHAT advice did Miranda Hart (right) offer armchair Britain via Instagram?
A. Getting in touch with your inner sex goddess should begin with a Mars Bar B. Never try to whistle with your mouth full of blancmange C. Celebrate having large breasticles
4 Which new beer has Kellogg’s and Seven Bro7hers brewery developed using imperfect breakfast cereals?
A. Twice-icles As Nice-icles lager B. Special-K Brew C. Sling It Out Stout
5 Complete the headline: __________ sparks terrorist fear at busy station
A. Boppi the Booty Shakin’ Llama B. Malfunctioning ‘smart’ nappy C. Didgeridoo busker
6 Complete the headline: ‘Fox’ drone will detect and _________ at night
A. Re-purpose bad dreams B. Repair potholes C. Eliminate scam phone calls
7 What special gift did President Trump leave for Prince Philip’s 98th birthday?
A. An M16 Grouse-Shooter B. A signed photo C. A personalised Air Force One jacket
8 Complete the headline: Gove’s ________ wins Melania’s admiration at state banquet
A. Inexhaustible repertoire of napkin-folding techniques B. Kilt C. Elmer J. Fudd impression
9 Complete the headline: ___________ to save planet
A. Cut grass less B. Only wash once a month C. Pipe methane gas into outer space
10 Which of these discoveries was announced by scientists from the universities of RMIT, in Melbourne, Australia, and Toulouse, in France?
A. Bees can do simple maths B. Women find it difficult to read maps and park cars after sex C. Smearing your body with broccoli can protect you against brain damage
11 How did Duckie L’Orange hit the headlines in 2019?
A. As ‘The Twerkin’ Transvestite Christmas Quacker’ — this year’s must-have festive table decoration B. By completing 20 years as Donald Trump’s head coiffeuse C. For horrifying the Germany’s Got Talent judges by ‘eating sausages’ with her bare bottom
12 Complete the headline: ________ is bad for sperm count
A. Too much Netflix B. More than one packet of Wotsits a day C. Going commando
13 Which new product was NOT launched this year?
A. Bubblegum-flavoured apples B. Creme Egg-flavoured mayonnaise C. Alcoholic milk
14 What were claimed to be Boris Johnson (pictured) and Carrie Symonds’s secret pet names?
A. Bozzie Bear and Little Otter B. Botty and Squid C. Fluffy and The I.C. (Intimacy Co-ordinator)
15 Which famous anniversary in July was celebrated by a special event in New York?
A. The 30th anniversary of famous film When Harry Met Sally — an ‘I’ll Have What She’s Having’ orgasm-faking contest in Katz’s Delicatessen B. The 150th anniversary of Manhattan’s notorious Orange Riots — an Orange Wok Parade in Chinatown C. The 50th anniversary of the first ‘comfort break’ on the moon — ‘A Giant Leak for Mankind’ in Central Park