So very juicy, so William of Orange ...
MMMM ... JUST HOW I LIKE ’EM — BURNT TO A CRISP!
Fleeing from the Vikings in 878, King Alfred gained in-flight sponsorship from greggrum, the most famous bakers of the day.
A leading commercial artist accompanied ‘One-Take Alfred’, as he was known in the trade, to a studio that had been made up to look like the home of a peasant lady, played by gudrun, daughter of Athelstan, one of the leading actresses of the day.
King Alfred then posed ‘burning’ some cakes, while gudrun pretended to scold him. At this point, Alfred looked towards the artist, gave a thumbs-up and spoke his famous slogan, ‘Mmmm . . . Just how i like ’em — burnt to a crisp!’
Reports from the time suggest that, as a result of this successful marketing campaign, sales of greggrum’s Hand-Burnt Cakes shot up by over 220 per cent.
Towards the end of his reign, King Alfred restyled himself King Alfred the grate, following a sponsorship deal with a major international cheesegrating federation.
CHOP-CHOP!
THis was the merry catchp h r a s e that echoed around england in the first half of the 16th century.
sponsored by a leading brand of blade-sharpeners, King Henry Viii developed this catchphrase over a period of time. it was showcased at the gala openings that greeted the swift departures of his second and fifth wives.
Henry’s extensive endorsement network was overseen by public relations guru Thomas Cromwell, who developed the ‘Henry Royal’ brand. After Cromwell’s own execution, his head was placed on a spike on london Bridge, with the slogan ‘Chop-Chop’ printed beneath it. ‘it’s what Thomas would have wanted,’ announced the King, in a statement prepared in association with the up-andcoming company Pikes galore.
AVOID THE SPLISH-SPLOSH ... WITH CLOAKS BY SIR WALTER
THe first marketing campaign to which Queen elizabeth i gave her blessing involved waterproof capes designed by her business partner sir Walter Raleigh.
in a specially staged ‘marketing opportunity’, Queen elizabeth pretended to be about to step into a puddle when sir Walter stepped forward and placed his cloak over it, to protect her feet. ‘it went like a dream, with a huge take-up of cloaks and capes,’ recalled Marketing Manager sir Rodney de Beaufoy, ‘though not nearly as successful as our Tobacco Campaign.’ sadly, sir Rodney was later executed by the Queen, owing to a misunderstanding. sir Walter was executed by King James i, though not before attracting sponsorship from Razor- sharp Axes, ‘ for that smoother, cleaner cut’.
SO SQUEEZY — SO JUICY — SO WILLIAM OF ORANGE
King William iii was widely known as William of Apple before a break with his sponsors. For a brief period, he styled himself William of lychee, but after disappointing sales he switched to William of Orange, the title by which he is still widely known.
in his best-known campaign for the most popular of all citrus fruits, King William was pictured peeling an orange for his wife Mary, who then pipes up with the famous slogan: ‘so squeezy — so juicy —
so William of Orange.’
FOR many years, Queen Victoria was wary of lending her name to any products, but finally succumbed to advertising John Brown’s extra Tasty scottish shortbread. A poster circulated at the time shows the monarch in her widow’s weeds, looking preternaturally grumpy. she is then presented with a silver salver covered with shortbread. At this, her dress turns bright pink, her face lights up and she trills: ‘My day at Balmoral always begins and ends with a shortbread. John Brown’s shortbread has been enjoyed by the British Royal Family for many centuries. it is considered the finest and most special shortbread from the United Kingdom. Ho, ho, ho . . . i am much amused!’
SOMETHING MUST BE FUN!
liKe his great- great- nephew, after marrying an American divorcee King edward Viii went to live abroad, but not before changing his name to the Duke of Windsor, after accepting sponsorship from Windsor Bath salts.
Under their exclusive Right Royal logo, The Duke and Duchess of Windsor went on to endorse a variety of something Must Be Fun products including golfing socks and jerseys, slimming products, a line of reasonably priced costume jewellery and a colourful assortment of Windsor neckties.