REID ALL ABOUT IT
Her weekly column: Femail Magazine
Was it just me who wondered, this week, if we’d gone back to the 1950s in a time capsule decorated with polkadot bunting? the confusion is courtesy of the growing movement of British women remodelling themselves to fit that decade’s vision of womanhood.
they call themselves tradwives (traditional wives, get it?).
they don’t have paid jobs, unless you count domestic work within the home on an allowance provided by their husbands. they cook dinner, and don’t expect their husbands ever to cook for them.
their spare time is spent baking cakes, wearing pinnies and doing the cleaning. they submit to their man’s demands, always putting him first and probably spoiling him rotten.
the women spearheading the tradwife movement have been accused of betraying the feminist cause. there is concern that it reinforces oppressive gender roles and rolls back the clock on equality.
even just on a purely practical level, how many couples could afford for one partner to give up their salary? and how many women with fulfilling careers would be content to spend their days pairing up their husband’s socks?
But tradwife alena Kate Pettitt says the point of feminism is ‘choice’, and she has chosen to ‘put family first’. Put that way, it sounds fair enough.
the old saying ‘a woman’s place is in the home’ is anathema in feminist circles. But if that is where a woman freely decides she wants to be, then I’m not criticising. the motto only rankles if it’s used to tell women it’s the only place they shOULD be.
Let’s face it, staying at home has its appeal. the modern family setup with both parents working is fraught with challenges most of us will have experienced. I wonder how many working women wistfully dream of a life at home as they juggle childcare, school admin, playdates, social time and homework while catching up on emails and work deadlines in the evening. thinking about it, I wonder how many men might like to do that traditional role, too?
certainly not anthony Dream Johnson, who this week is selling tickets, at $999, for an event called Make Women Great again in Orlando, Florida.
Mr Johnson — who, by the way, isn’t married — has convened an exclusively male panel of 20 to ‘ mansplain’ to an exclusively female audience how to be a good girlfriend, wife and mother.
he goes further. he says his movement is a war on feminism that men must win. he says feminism has become rampant man-hating bigotry that promotes a warped female supremacy. as a feminist myself, of course I disagree with this nonsense. and I feel deep unease that fewer than one in five young women in the UK and U.s. would call themselves a feminist. I am proud of what feminism has achieved, opening doors that were closed to women and enabling our mothers to go out to work; smashing stereotypes of masculinity and femininity so that women can be independent, and men don’t feel ashamed to spend time with their children or (shock) show their feelings.
BUT now, for some, feminism itself has become a stereotype — of endlessly criticising men and putting women before them.
sometimes we don’t help ourselves. Look at politics. this week, Labour MP Jess Phillips told male politicians it was time to ‘pass the mic’ to a woman to lead the party. I can understand Jess’s frustration. People can get tunnel vision about what a leader should look like —– ‘male, pale and stale’ as the saying goes — unless that stereotype is challenged.
But feminism isn’t served by simply promoting women over men. the winner needs to be the best candidate for the job, not the best candidate of a certain gender.
and if the Labour leadership battle eventually comes down to a straight fight between front- runners rebecca LongBailey and sir Keir starmer, I’d put money on Jess (who has withdrawn from the race herself) choosing the man because he is aligned with her values, rather than the woman just because she’s female.
Women telling men to step out of roles so they can step into them isn’t going to endear people to feminism. neither is telling women they are betraying feminism by enjoying the pleasures of being a traditional housewife.
the point is this: no one of either gender wants to be told what they should or shouldn’t do.
For many women, adopting a traditional full-time domestic role would be unthinkable. But if being at home and looking after your husband works for you, I’m behind you. If you want to pay hundreds of dollars for a man to mansplain how to live your life, that’s your choice, too.
I can think of better things to spend the money on, but that would be woman splaining, and I’ll save my breath.