The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

TV PRESENTER Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall is best known for his River Cottage TV series. He lives in Devon with his wife Marie and their four children, aged nine to 23.

LETTING GO CAN BE TRULY LIBERATING

FOr a long time my favourite joke was, ‘Knock knock!’ ‘ Who’s there?’ ‘Control Freak … now, you say: “Control freak who?”’

It took me a while to realise that a lot of the time the joke was on me. Or, at least, I was masking the fact that I am something of a control freak by making it all a bit of a joke.

But sometimes it isn’t a joke. There are times when I’ve undermined colleagues by interfering too much. I started in TV as a producer, so I understand the edit process. When I began presenting, instead of letting them get on with the edit, I would turn up and get involved — too many cooks in the edit suite. after a colleague had a word, I learned to back off until much later in the process.

I’ve begun to learn that being in control is not always helpful, satisfying or appropriate. That relinquishing of control, though scary, is often liberating.

a few years ago, Marie wanted us to travel round India with our youngest two children. Inevitably, I came up with a complicated itinerary. Just before the trip she binned it saying: ‘Let’s just see what happens.’ We had the most amazing time, with all kinds of unexpected adventures we couldn’t have planned.

as you might expect, my worst controlling tendencies at home have been in the kitchen. and not just my own!

One of my friend’s girlfriends insisted I give her a critique of her lasagne. I went into great detail about how she should have cooked the tomatoes longer, made the bechamel thinner, gone easier on the salt and used fresh rather than dried herbs. She never cooked for me again.

While I’ve really enjoyed helping my kids learn to cook, as they’ve skilled up, my ‘help’ (aka tyrannical interference) has been less and less welcome. So last year they banned me from the kitchen for the whole of Christmas and took over all the cooking. We had my in-laws coming from France and it made me very nervous. But their kitchen takeover was a triumph — and proof of what can happen when you dare to relinquish control.

■ HUGH’S series Easy Ways To Live Well is on Wednesday, 8pm, on BBC1.