Potty to believe the promise of paradise

THe story about the family who bought a ‘flowering cactus’ from B&Q, only to find that the flowers had been glued on (mail), reminded me of the time I went to the local garden centre in malta to buy my husband a Bird of paradise plant as a gift. they were lovely, dozens of them all in bloom. I spent more than half an hour choosing the best one and took it to the checkout. the woman on the till promptly grabbed the perfect bloom and, to my horror, yanked it out of the pot and waved it in my face. ‘You do know the flowers are plastic, don’t you?’ she said.

Out of mouths of babes

I USED to own a cafe, and my daughter Fiona, who was then aged six, would help collect the dirty plates after the customers had finished eating. one day she was clearing away a plate and there was some food left on it. the diner explained the meal had been lovely, but it was just too big a portion for her. to which my naughty daughter replied as a joke: ‘Don’t worry, mum will give it to someone else.’

Stephanie Richardson, Newport Pagnell, Bucks.

I was horrified — and I’d just spent all that time picking out the best one!

C. D. Field, Middlesbrough, N. Yorks.

Wordy Wise

ALGOREITHM — problem-solving former Vice president. Sylvia Dugard, Witney, Oxon. SCANDIKNAVIAN — Nordic bad guy. P. Turner, Stockport, Cheshire. PACK UP YOUR ROUBLES IN YOUR OLD KIT BAG — russian Army song. R. Gamble, Woodley, Cheshire. DENSA — opposite of meNSA. Vincent Hefter, Richmond, Surrey. THE MAN IN THE IRONY MASK — guy displays cynical expression. Dave Cullen, Leeds.

Anagram

The ex-married couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston = Permanent ‘friends’ (Jolie and drip Theroux can beat it!)

Tony Crafter, Sevenoaks, Kent.