Vivaldi hotline that would tax a saint

HERE’S a sentiment you don’t often read in a national newspaper: three cheers for the Department of Work and Pensions! Or maybe that should be two.

What that much-maligned government department has done is get rid of Vivaldi.

Not that I’ve anything against the great man. His Spring violin concerto has been immensely popular since he composed The Four Seasons three centuries ago.

So popular, in fact, that the DWP used the opening 30 seconds on a loop to play to their clients when they were put on hold for a few minutes to calm them down.

It might have worked — except that it was usually much more than a few minutes. Sometimes it was approaching an hour.

Unsurprising, then, that when the DWP did a survey, it showed the music was having the opposite effect on callers to the one intended. It was causing them anxiety.

Pity it took the DWP so long to make that discovery. Fourteen years to be precise. But let’s be fair: they’ve now replaced Vivaldi with a mix of different, unnamed tracks, composed especially to relax the listener.

I heard a few this week. They were ghastly. And I suspect that may be deliberate. The DWP — like every other government department – is pressed for cash. If you hear horrible music, what do you do? You hang up. The result? Fewer callers. Meaning fewer claims.

And if this doesn’t work? Well, then, they ratchet up the anxiety levels. Stand by for some film scores. Maybe Jaws. Or Psycho. That should do it.