I liked it when the refs gave me stick

REFEREES, to me, were never anything other than ‘ref’. I couldn’t have told you their names before or after games, I didn’t speak to them away from the pitch. I didn’t really know much about them.

What I did know, however, is that they were always prepared to give as good as they got. One game at Bolton, when I was at Tottenham, confirmed this quite memorably.

Gary Cahill had been all over me this particular day and, after one foul too many, I lost my rag — and one man was going to be told. ‘Oh come on, ref!’ I shouted. ‘How many more times can he come through me?’

My protests — which have been edited for the sake of family reading — meant nothing.

‘He hasn’t come through you,’ came the reply, quick as a flash. ‘ He’s got you in his back pocket.’

That was me put firmly in my place. There was no disrespect, nothing to take offence over. The referee — looking back through record books, it was either Chris Foy or Mike Jones — made a quip and we got on with the game without a problem.

I thought about that incident this week, in light of Jon Moss ( right) and the spat with Bournemouth’s Dan Gosling.

It took me by surprise, actually, that a player could take offence from something reasonably trivial.

Some of the criticism aimed at referees is remarkable and I’ve often wondered how they don’t react. I played with Craig Bellamy at Liverpool and he would take what he said to them as close to the line as possible. He’d probably admit there were times when he crossed it, too.

Things have improved in recent years — you don’t tend to see big groups surrounding match officials to berate them — but I’m willing to bet Jon Moss has been on the end of insults down the years that are much worse than him saying to Gosling: ‘You’re having one.’

I had referees say identical things to me! There were games when referees would come out with lines such as ‘There’s nothing I can do to help you’ or ‘Crouchie, you’re having a ’mare!’ if I was barely getting a touch. They could use those words to talk about your team, too, if you were losing.

Is it that bad? I don’t think so. What do we want referees to be — robotic or human? I always found the best ones to be those you could engage with. I’ll never forget, for example, Howard Webb saying ‘F***ing hell! What a goal!’ after I’d scored a 30-yard volley for Stoke against Manchester City in March 2012. It took me that much by surprise, all I could say back was ‘Cheers mate!’ True, there are some who don’t help themselves. The worst were those who made a decision and then waved you away like a school teacher, refusing to listen. They would come across as arrogant, as if they were above you. That was never good. I’d much prefer them to give me stick. When you can engage with referees, it makes things flow better. Do you want to see yellow cards handed out every time there is a decision to be debated? Or do you want to see the game handled sensibly with the scope for dialogue?

I spoke to Mike Dean recently and the conversation we had opened my eyes to the world of a referee.

They are always seen as the bad guys, the men who ruin games. The reality is that they love football as much as the players and the game wouldn’t be possible without them.

How can someone like Dean, who began refereeing in 1985 and has taken charge of more than 500 Premier League games, be regarded as someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing?

They know exactly how players and fans feel and the frustrations they have about the decisions they make.

They will never be popular — we know that, they know it. After the events of this week, Moss will know that better than most. I don’t believe that he deserved to have been singled out that way. In time, perhaps Dan Gosling will see he got this one wrong.